xXx
Monday, March 15, 2004
-20:35-leney-
juz wana let u ppl noe, i hav moved to sweetlysadistic.blogspot.com due 2 sum internal pr ma comp hav wit dis blog. so do link me up to this blog ya!!!tata~
xxx
-18:40-leney-
i neva noe fiesta wld b tt fun =)
wel. niwae. i woke up late yesterdae. 8.18. den rush oreadi. did ma hair n al in e car.lucily mum drove me2 sch or else i wun noe wat tim den i wld reach sia.
came 2 sch, diann was waitin 4 me at e foyer dere. felt so bad cuz i was suppose 2 fetch her 2 sch... den erm go help out at e fd court stall. made sum lame jokes dere b4 goin 2 ma claz... was lazni ard dere 4 awhile b4 goin ard wit diann, den nora n al.kinda 4got where i was lazni bout but i wil alwaz remember seein tt mrs lee ai hoon got dunk. ha~de e hr b4 ma shift in e fd court, i went back 2 e stall 2 help out, as ppl r startin 2 crowd by den. wen i wen 2 e fd ourt. itwas lik almos fully packed. ran inside 2 hlp out. aunty was lik practicali screamin at us n al. even wen we didnt do ntihin wrong. priya left 1/2way cuz sh cun stan e aunty, leavin me n faezah alone. 1/2way through shad n his cousins came 2 sae hi 2 me.. was lik 1/2 chitcattin wit em while doin e work, den e aunty scolded me. it as lik wtf. it aint lik im totali lazin abt. im doin e work at e sam tim. she was so damn rude man. den sudenly faezah cut her han. so he left. leavin onli me 2 hlp out e aunty. n i hafta totali tolerate her man. i was in a fuckin mood by den.. sddenly.. arshad mum came. hehe. felt kinda paiseh wen i saw her... den finali ma shift ended. phew~ practicali ran outa e sta. luckil lexine n dian was ard.. they bought me green tea. which i was so tankful since i haven eaten or drink nithin. den wen back 2 e 4/10's stal gain. everyone was sooo busy. so i left wit diann 2 lk ard while lexine queued 2 hav e pic taken wit jean danker. den erm after ttdian went 2 queue 4 e horror hse while i helped out wit e stall. diann n i manage 2 go c mrs tan kena dunk b4 headin back 2 line up gain. horror hse was fun. i hafta sae tt e ppl of 4/9 reli did it wel. den erm after tt wen back 2 stall gain dis tim 1/3 of e claz was crowdin behind our stall hearin out e numbers bein read out from e lucky draw. we lked lik sum ppl gamblin n al. quite a funny sight.n siddiq's no got read out. a facial body n waxin treament. wahaahha. wat e hell~ everyone was laughin at him. den our clz dedicate sum songs n e las dediation of e dae was read out 2 sum ppl n it was by zheng hang sia.obviously, ppl in e claz saboh-ed him. everyone was lik laughin at him n alm sayin he bhb n al. haha.
after e whole thingy ended. diann n i waited 4 nina n lois at sembawang mrt station.heard wrong info, thus diann n i was waitin at dere while they al was in e bus, goin 2cwp.heh. stupid us. keke. dian, nina, lois n i went 2 sakae sushi @ cwp 2 eat. diann was so tired, she slept while waitin 4 e fd.. de we were lik laughin n jokin while waitin 4 e fd. a nice place 2 dnie at. but i stil prefer e novenas'.after eatin. went 2 meet e bf at e ctrl station, he sent me hme n we tok alot. wahahha. cant help it. i juz lov tokin 2 him.aww~ den hafta part. miss him so. esp wat happen dese few days. den sat on ia's car2 her hse 2 wait 4 ma mum. her hse very nice sia, big n homey. chit chat wt e mum b4ma mum came. den wentback 2 skudai. ate sum supper dere b4 headin hme. was bou 2 hit e bed b4 e bf called... chit chat wit him 4 a while. short n sweet.haiz. i miss him sooo much.=) tata~
xxx
Thursday, March 11, 2004
-21:47-leney-
ok great. how screwed can ds comp b.haiz. it hurts me 2 c e pic taken wit shad babes... how m i gona survive from now on? haiz. its al ma fault. ma damn stupidness tt cause us 2 b in dis stead. haiz.. ma stupid idea n plain laziness + totali wrong timin. wat a jinx i m. seem as though i hav been bringin bad luck 2 ppl ard me. hae maself 4 tt. curse maself 4 tt. i desere 2 b killed asap 2 prevent maself 4 doin mor harm 2 ppl ard me. damn maself.
haiz. suddenly realize i sucks in tellin lies.- so shad, u dun hafta worry bout me cheatin on u cuz i cant even tel a lie properly.. heh...-.. n wat lousy parents i hav... cant they even tel a simple lie juz 2 help me? muzu get me in2 sch deep shit b4 u ppl r finali hapi? i dun do dis often niwae so y cant u ppl juz play along e game? y cant u ppl juz b lik his parents? his parents r lik a whole tons mor beta den u ppl... at leas tey bother 2 sit down, listen n undersan. whilst u ppl hav nothin but violence n strictness in ur mind? do u noe e stricter u r, e mor rebellious i get? dun u noe tt as long as violence is til present in ds family, i dread goin home? no one understans me. al u ppl noe is juz 2 nag n yell w/o even tryin 2 understan. eplace tt i go back 2 is nothin but an empty shell. its not wat i cal home. n u ppl dun restrict me from hueva i hang out wit. n NO im not mixin ard wit bad company. im not e slut u tink i m -imagine ur very own dad callin u a slut 4 no reason, n e mum was so hapi tt he used it on u, she keep repeatni tt wrd on u. sumor go n chck dictionary 2 show u e meanin.- i dun understan wats on u ppl's mind. u dun refrain me from tokin 2 a guy juz lidat. im in a mixed sch 4 fuck sake. i hang out wit hueva i lik. n i do so hapen 2 lov 2 hang out wit shad. so y cant u ppl juz accept e fact instead of tryin 2 separate us wit e threats too. i love him n tts final k?dun u ppl eva try 2 hurt him or his family or i wil neva 4giv u imbeciles 4 tt.
haiz. m so stress up now. i do so wana cal him n tok 2 him n al. but how m i suppose2.. furthurmor wit e misunderstanin juz now.. shad.. i swear 2 u i was onli playin wit e gers. i reli dunohow 2 xplan 2 u face 2face wit e prob we r facin now. so plsdun eva ignore me cuz we wil hav no way 2 commnicate at al... i need u by ma side. i need u hugs 2 comfort me n ur kisses 2make everythin seems orite. no one understans how i fel now den u do cz u noe wat happen happened. so pls dun hate me. n dun igonre me. i reli dun wan fel worse den i oreadi m or i wun noe wat 2 do.. n i reli duno wat 2 do wen im in e damn helpless atti cuz nothin wil seems normal 4 me den..
xxx
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
-21:17-leney-
ma whole body aches!!
damn.dis is e 2nd tim im typin dis... type a whole long nice one 2 b published... but shads internet explorer got screwed up.. oh den watch e southpark thingy juz now... hehe. it was so damn funny... so lame.... hehe...
niwae... i finali got ma place changed.... so hapi... no longer stuck wit sum1 wit such major atti pro tt i cant stan.. but im gona miss lois nina n gang though.. 4 one such person i hafta sacrifice e ppl ard me.. but i reli cant stan her so yea. niwae. if i were 2 noe tt gettin e cher 2 chang ma place wld means by hidin at e back juz cuz deres a tiny cockroach in claz... i wun hav been "beggin" her 2 change ma seat. wateva~
yesterdae was our 14th mth... didnt reli celebrate it cuz he was sick n i got dance.. juz kinda meet up at mac n tata~ nvm... gona make him do belated celebration... keke.. yesterdae was quite a pathetic day 4 me... had modern dance.. kinda "sacrifice" maself 2 b stretched by jenny.. shld hav insisted on pairin up wit diann... niwae... i was sumhow linked 2 e sadistic mood yesterdae, though instead of feelin hapi 2 c ppl in pain.. i feel hapi 2 b in pain.. so ya.. was lik stretchin.. jenny was pullin me.. 1.2.3.4.5.... n tadah... e muscle/vein/wateva u called tt was pulled.. n i noe rite away tt i had sprained ma inner thighs.. so yea..can sae e whole of e rite side of ma body is achin... n e back thighs of ma left leg is hurtin too... can sae i "asked" 4 it...but wateva~ as long as dere is sum1 willin 2 massage me... its gd enuf... yea wany? *winks* keke..
i wana watch dirty dancin 2!! i wana watch e way they dance.. by hook or by crook.. i swear by e end of nex wk.. im gona watch at leas 2 movies... or im gona bang ma head against e wall lik wat i did juz now wen i was so frustrated i got helpless n thus vent ma anger against e wall.. heh....
haiyo. dun fel lik goin 2 sch tml.. i got soo much hmwk tt i haven do which is suppose 2 b handed in tml... but yet, i hafta help out in e claz banner... or else i wun hav gone sch tml.. furthurmor ma mum allow.. damn... mayb on thurs? *shrugs*. everyday i seem 2 b bz wit different things though... damnation.
chanel asked me y m i so hyper dese days.. esp wen im sick. franklny. i duno too.. im suppose 2 b all weak n quiet.. yet im e complete opposite... wat a weird freak i m... wonder wen e depression period wil start gain.. juz one thin... dun betray ma trust k? pls. i beg u ppl. im sick of it yea? do nithin. juz dun betray ma trust 4 u guys. tts e worst pain... i rather suffere physical pain den tt kinda emotional pain...yea.. *cross fingers... n toes...*
i got so much 2 sae... but im reli tired... so ya... tata~
xxx
-17:29-leney-
ma body aches!
haiyo.. yesterdae wen 4 modern dance.. den i sacrifice maself 2 b stretch by teacher so tt no one wil b tortured... naturaly.. i got tortured.. durin e 1st stretch wen she was pullin me 2 e front... i cld feel e muscle/vein/wateva u cal tt got pulled.. n rite at e very moment i noe i sprained ma inner thighs... so ya. very nice. walk ard very slow n quite awkwardly 2dae... =(
bf is suppose 2 buy me bread durin recess... obviously he 4got... end up starvin 4 e nes 2 free periods... oh. n ma seat finali got changed!!! after e days of makin me sit wit sum1 wit major atti pro. i was asked 2 sit alone at e back wen i ran away from a cockroach crawlin ard ma seat. very nice way 2 hav ma seat got changed yea. hafta sit alone. but wateva~ i went 2 sit wit faezah rite after she was gone.. den mrs jalil went 2 me n touch me on ma shoulder, askin me y i change sit... she tot i argued wit tt syazana.. which indirectly we did cuz she was showin such major a.p... but nah. i told her tt tee changed ma sit cuz i jumped from a cockroach.....
xxx
Friday, March 05, 2004
-22:32-leney-
heh... realize im not bein e usual lene.in fact i tink i m juz bein alene dese days. heh. sounds weird eh. nvm. its gona b quite a long story if i m 2 explain e difference of lene n alene. in fact i tink very few ppl even noes it. -juz lik few ppl cal me lene...- so ya. lts juz sae.. erm. lene shal b e mor serious kind n in fact if im not rong.. onli ppl in ma bus, a few of ma homies,shirin n shad cals me tt? *shrugs* wateva.
niwae hmm. actuali i gt quite a lota comments bout yesterdae's ad... but im scare i wil sound too sarcastic n al, esp wen i noe how it els lik wen u put efforts in sum stuffs yet got kinda "insulted" in e end? niwae. welz. 2 b frank... i almos died of e non-stop shriekings n *toots*. 2/5's ad was kinda lik a one-man show which got me goin "huh?" n go sum of e audience clappin ther hands 1/2way through 2 b "sarcastic"... i duno which part was it but e shriekings got me so irritated, i kinda shriek as wel... den.. 2/6... erm... among men ma frenz, we tot tt e inroducton was kinda sarcastic, as in "fat or thin", "tall or short".... i noe they dun mean it. but it oes snuds a teeny weeny sarcastic.. heh... oh.. n den came e "lians".. i swear i cld hav suffered from too much shocked.. e gers were so... nvm...i shal hide ma disgust. but i stil tink tt beta lkin lians cld hav been chosen... *shrugs* mean no harm. juz ma personal pnt of view.. oh den 2dae's ad...hmmm frankly. i hav completely 4gotten bout 2/7's ad...but hmm 2/8's ad was pretty orite.. juz abit too malay-ish? *shrugs*
hmmm.i tink ma chi teacher has gien up on me oreadi.... she even advise me 2 take up e 'b'syllabus ofchi cuz i juz cant b bothered? wel is not tt i juz cant b bothred. is juz tt e amt of work they r givn me is freakin me out.. imagine.4 corrections, twenty corrections 4 one wrd wrong... n c'mon.. i got 36/100? den. 4 test.. every wrong anwer, write 2times n i'dgot 37/100? not 2 mention e other "ci yu" test every week, which i hav ben failin non stop. its juz drivin me insane wit e amt of craziness they r putin me through. had chi remedial 2dae til 230. was suppose 2stay back after tt 2 finish e corrections.. but i gt so sick of chi, i ran away wit chanel... at different times though.. heh.
went4 modern dance after tt. hehe.. plenty of fun... went down 2 parade square 2 c alene no.2's claz practisin 4 e da ad.. we were lik cheerin n al.. juz bein crazy *winks* realize i hav been hangin ard often wit e modern dancers dese day.. oh n yea. they had been by ma side al dese while.. love u guyz. *hugs* esp alina... wat can i do w/o her? ma fellow parthner wen it cums 2drownin our sorrows..n 4eva patient wt mewen itcums 2 listenin 2 ma pro... wahaha.. oh but dis week had been quite a teary week 4e dancers.. as though sum1 had put a curse on us... makin us so upset n stress... but still. gd luck 4 tml ya. u ppl had trained so hard, obviousy harder den we i.f.d ppl. so ya.... jia you wor!!
oh den hmmm. woke up feelin emotionless. was juz gvin everyone a blank face wit no expression written on it, onli wen i saw zaifa, tt afew tears trinkled outa ma eyes. 2daeteared in e parade square 2dae... i cun help it. i tried controllin e tears.... but i had bee controllin since las nite tt i juz cun hold it any longer... den mrs jalil saw n she was bein so nice n al.. askin me wats wrong n wheher i wana go toilet n al... shook m head al e while though.. hehe. en mrs liao saw it too, den wen goin up 2 claz she kinda pulld me 2 a lil side n was lik sayin.. "alene.. wats wrong. i c u sobbin so sadly.. izit cuz of stress?" wel mayb wat im typin here now bout dese 2 lovin teachrs didnt mke any impact on u.. but it did melted ma heart cuz they were bein completely sweet.. i was so touched. oh n den durin eng.. sum ppl had 2 irritate me so much tt i teared gain.. n thus gt pulled out by mrsthong 4 a "lil talk".. was force 2 sae wat happen.. thank u *frowns* den durin bio, i cun do nithin 2 stop dese uncontrollable pin tt i end up drawin ma hand n al 2 4get bout wats hapenin... buttt got me in2 truble durin pe cuz mdm salwana saw those drawings den asked bout it.. i hid ma hand den ma dear lois tol her tt i was sufferin from depression... so once gain.. qns was asked n i was brought aside again 4 another "smal tok". after tt was chem. i was pretty calm -emotionaly- by den, so mdm rekha didnt reli notice.. juz kinda ga each other a weak smile n continued doin ma work -which cums 2make me wonder whether nione mark ma attendance durin modern dance 2dae...-. recess i hung out wit lois outside lib.. on e way i saw smthin n e calm mood go disrupted. thus by e tim we reached e benches outside e lib.. i was startin a over gain... banged ma head against e table a few times -wated 2 banged mor but lois was practicali shoutin at me by den- b4 lyin on e table n cried... den lois came over n lent me a shoulder2 cry on. i fel quite bad cuz i kinda made her cry cuz i cried . aww~. cried 4 awhile den i went 2 slp til e bell rung. den after recess was physics. as usual chantira 4got our chocolates but stil givus our test.. it asn even lik a test cuz clues n hints were written on e board.. everyone was tellin him tt he mite as wel let us hv an open book test.... ...
after ance.. went 2 cwp wit diann 2 buy sum fd in long john... we saw xuenie, thus e 3of us went home 2gether.. we tok aot of crap in e bus.. but lil dian was juzbein quiet.. lik as though we dun let her tok at al.. keke. de wen we reached custom.. we saw a very moody melody.. it seemed tt gang bang is quite a wel-used threat dese days yea? fuck dese desperat bastards man. niwae. hmm i wun reli tok much bout wat hapend cuz its kinda onli btw e ppl in e bus n sum few othrs inter-related ppl. niwae. we kinda got her touched wit wat we raised. oh n diann dear.. thanx4helpin out ya? we reli appeciate n r thankful of tt.. we owe u one =) so ya. tts al 4 2dae den. tata~
xxx
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
-21:30-leney-
damn. everyhin is so not goin ma way dese days.
n wats worst.. im sick... yea,again... its s not fair... had a "smal-vomitin-session" on sun... n after t i slept early too.. so y m i stil sick.. oh c'mon.... oh pls.. i do hope its not cuz of tt gastroenteritis gain.. its suppose2 b over after e medication las yr.. its suppose 2 b over... damn y cant it juz go away... n wat worst... e lump in e tummy is back.. its suppose b so damn gone by now.. it was gone 4 mor den 1/2 yr oreadi.. y izit back? *wails* i dun wana b under medicaton gain. it sucks!!! n now im lik coughin non stop.. damn.. y m i so damn "suay" dese days.. oi had been sucha gd ger yet al e bad things juz keep comin non stop.. i haven been totali drinkin cold drinks 4a long stuff noe.. i onli drink justea wen im "drownin ma sorrows" wit alina.. i seldom drink or eat cold stuffs sia n im coughin... cool!~
haiz. dese days i hav been lik so depess n al... e homies wil noe y..niwae. haizwen r u gona stop ignorin me? i hav ben lik so helpless n al dese days.. keep on askin maself n ma frenz wat hav i done tt dis is happenin.. as far as im concern.. i reli didnt do nithin.. I'm sorry I'm not smart enough.
I'm sorry I'm too loud.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry you can't be proud.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry for always wishing
that I'd hurry up and die.
I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough
or as strong and plump as you'd like me to be.
I'm sorry for my careless mistakes.
I'm sorry for being me.
izit reli ma fault tt i was sick n thus took e sch bus? ive been lik o miserable n u dun even care? y r u actin lik dis? at leas tel me y?...666044477770844337773302668832043377704446608877704432777806667773323444...*shugs*
Look At Her.
This Shell Of Emotion
Portrays A Girl Who Cares Of Nothing
Walking The World, Wandering Aimlessly...
Wondering Why She Lives.
To Show Her Fears And Insecurities Is Unheard Of-
Weak Is The Last Thing She Wants To Feel.
Heartbroken And Infuriated.
Left Alone To Drown In Self-Pity;
Questioning Herself, Her Existence, Her Meaning.
How It All Came Crashing Down To This.
Tell No One. Show No One Your Pain.
Hide In Your Lonely Corner, Bleed Away Your Frustrations.
Nothing Changes.
At The End Of The Day, You Still Long To Hear The Words You Only Hear In Dreams;
"I Love You For Who You Are...
Not Who You Pretend To Be."
niwae. had e maths mock exam 2dae.. its orite.. ju hope i wil pas cuz i actuali studid 4 dis...*cross fingers n toes*
oh dear.. come 2 tink bout it.. i hafta hnd in sum hist hmwk tml.. but i un even noe where e wksht is or how it even lk lik oreadi.. damnation... oh sumor sti owe e pccg cher e journal.. *stressed up*
but i hafta admit.. dese few days tt i had spent in modern dance was fun.. al those childish moments juz came back -no offence though- wat im sayin is juz those innocent fun.. e "lame" jokes n e teasin n gossips. =) e "self-given" break wt dear dian n gang was fun.. n small talks bout how sum particular ex-moder-dancer has betrayed us yea? all those fakin bootlickin-ness n lies.. it al s so fae. n pls ma dear ger.. dun go ard tellin ppl til as though im damn close 2 u. cuz in reality. we aren't.at all so pls dnu "ruin" ma reputation by claimin tt we r very close n al. i hate liars n hypocrites ,so shirin, stop tt ya? im sri if i soudn bitchy here. but i juz dun lik ppl goin ard tellin other ppl tings tt r so not true. u lik so tryin 2 "gain" popularity by goin ard tellin ppl how u r close 2 e upper sec ppl n al... yea u r quite a nice ger n al, but tt juz aint e way 2 b lik dis.. u r juz lettin ppl laughed at u..
niwae. hmm. leney has been a noti ger dese days.. actali it aint reli noti.. shld b carelessy stupid.. she has been accienatlly bangin herself in2 e edges of her parents bed.. n getin bruised on her arms while playin ard wit her gerfrenz.. she tried "trimmin" her hair 2 make it lk nicely slanted 2dae.. but sadly... it got damn straight instead... n now sh lk kinda weird? wahahaha.. oh n sum beans pop up at her 2dae while she was playin e long beans n she kinda embarrassed herself by kinda screamin softly?
laughing prancing in the corridors
A false smile runs across her face
always laughing ...never happy
never taken seriously
Stress of grades him life
A whisper for a scream
Newest outlet for her pain
Hurt herself again
who cares?
She's always happy anyway
Always joking never said
So when the sparkle left her eyes
Just one year before
No one seemed to notice
No one seemed to care
She's huddled on the floor
Pounding on her heart
Bleeding off her tears
The pain stays
Harbored deep
Hidden there- she's scared
Scared of being lost
Scared of being gone
Her cries are to be saved
she dreams of being saved
please
She whispers
to be saved
ww.. i guez 2dae is oneof ma longest entry yea.. i stil hav soo much 2 sae.. yet i dun tink its suitble 2 put it down here 4al 2 c.. so i guez i shal juz keep it al inside gain?
I think I know a tear.
I know one all too well.
It's glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me.
My lips- they quiver
Crying for a touch
The taste of salt reaches me
My tongue ever satisfied
Slowly this drop lands
Placed upon the ground
something that was once so important
Such a piece of you
Could it be forgotten so,
Or do you count them as they leave?
Collecting the tears in a jar
Trapping them, like a memory
Brings an idea of forever being
A tear for a tear
This is why, my friend, I know
A tear all to well
xxx
Friday, February 27, 2004
-22:10-leney-
oh dear.oh my...
niwae hmmm. 2dae was e bf's ad... it was cute n abit bhb-ish.. wahaha.. kiddin kiddin... niwae, ya. 2daes ad was nice. but sum of us was kinda disappointed den we found out 3/9 was doin song dedication cuz tt was wat we wantedden.. but got ejected.. *shrugs*
oh. eng was funny as usual... everyone was laughin 1/2 e tim.... den bio was meaningless.. didt do pe.. juz sat down n tok.. oh n laugh at mr ho.. he lk lik a clown!! wit his pants lik too small for him n black coloured socks tt was pulled so high up.. kailin n i was practicali laughin everytiim we saw him. den had cem test.. got a feelin i draw e graph wrongly... oh n i tink i ot confused between exothermic n endothermic gain... despite e no of times i tried memorisin is.. haiz... kinda create a misunderstandin durin recess... den physics was scary 4 me... frankly i duno y.. but im startin 2 get scare or sumthin lidat wen ppl quarrel fierce n angrily?*shrugs*
den had e damn hi test..was lik half cryin.. but not cuz of e paper.. i neva cried 4 a test or exam b4 n i neva wil, cuz its kinda dumb? so niwae. yea.. kinda cryin 2 maself due 2 sum things...wateva~ had modern dane... hmm niwae.. after remedial, went 2 modern dance.. saw alina sweetie.. n she noe i was moody.. esp wen i speak cuz i was soft.. yea. 4 once im not loud yea? keke... niwae..ya.. went down 2 canteen 2 "drown our sorrows in jus tea" wahaha.. but i ended up e onli one drinkin cuz she was full... -_-" keke. oh. on our way we saw meiying n sonia.. had a "small huggin session" n oso one wit leyu too =) oh den we were on our way up wen we saw dian n her fren... they wana grab sumthin 2 eat n since we had nothin 2 do.. we followed em too.. keke... oh den.. had abitty of fun b4 goin up 4 practice..
practice 4 e international frenship day.. lk lik a fool in e beginnin cuz i wasnt sure wit e dance step n e song was soooo fast. niwae. yea. luckily in e end i manage 2 b able 2 catch up.. guez i juz need2 brush up e steps now =) hmm de alene -not me.i mean e other alene- came up 2 me.. n ask me 2 help out wit their dance 4 e competition.. hmm nheir ance as nice but e song wasnt.. so we lik findin songs 2 change n al.... den go dian in cuze other grp was lik neglectin her n al.. n 2 tink tt melissa actuali showed me atti pro wen we weretokin 2 her nicey.. damn her man. lik tt tim cca open hse... grr. shes damn fuckin rude. period. den hmmm alene they al started cryin cuz they fel stress den ma lil dian tot they cried cuz of melisa bin angry cuz din switch 2ther grp n she kinda cried too.. i was lik awww ma wat had i done.. den e seniors tried consolin each of em. guez we kinda succed in e end huh ? keke. niwae ma dear nattaporn... pls dun eva trick me in2 offerin 2 carry me n thus swingin me in circles.. tt was soo scary!!! im lik stil hvin a slight giddines here n dere... wahahah.. but frankly it was quite fun ah? keke.
k la. i hafta go slp now. stil go bio tml. so ya. tata~
xxx
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
-22:55-leney-
damn.it so doesnt pay try 2 b nice 2 sum1. try 2 b s nicen polite n al. n i stil ended u bein e one in total fault. damn sia.
Rage, a verbal hate on display,
a play on word with your life in the game,
only left with the anger to destroy you,
I look for answers pushing questions far from sight.
Finding a friend in the darkest of places,
hiding from light in the most tainted of ages,
trying to make sense of something wrong feeling so right,
yet tommorow being better seems so far from sight.
Unknown is a tale of what soon may come,
the mind is now plauged with the foul stench of mystery,
followed by a strain of forgotten misery,
held by a lord forgotten in death.
Fuel so vile it spews from inside,
twisting and plucking the hairs from all sides,
stare at your swear lay now cold on the floor,
screaming pulse burning words of -fake- "No More".
Is this me...is this you, something rotten is for sale,
a life of betrayal, giving up without a fight.
No one wants to be free, they can't handle the absolute,
but everyone wants the truth...
Spit on my face!
I can handle the disgrace,
I deserve the disgrace,
for the worlds money, the fame, the shame, and the wealth,
I'm the one smart enough to turn against myself.
xxx
-22:26-leney-
boy m i scared now.... damn. its lik so hard not 2 blif tt its true? it moved n we were each swearin we werent doin e movin... ah dui.. reli reli scary.... *goosebumps all risin* kaili ask me not 2 pursue e mata nimor.. but i reli wana pusue e mata bout e lil boy.... wel ok. not e same way but i reli wana pursue.. dere is quite a possibility tt its true actuali.... *shrugs* guez i shal find out from daddy wen he cums back mayb? n damn azzriyani, syazana n shuhui. damn ur mouth bitches. wats wit us doin dis any concern of urs. we arent cursin u ppl wit it niwae. its not worth riskin 4 u bitches.u ppl dun deserve it.
boy r they gettin on ma nerves man. damn. n 2 tink puki tee dun wana chang ma place no mata how i beg her. c'mon la. y muz i alwaz st wite wost ppl in e claz. excludni loi tohugh. i muz tank tee 4 makin me sit wit loisin e beginnin o e yr.. at leas it changes ma opinion 2wards her... lov her man =)niwae. yea after lois, it wasnashreen. nashreen is orite.. juz tt i cant stan her smell sumtimz.. other en tt.. she reli is quite gd in atti.. juz lazy in doin hmwk tts al. but walau,of al gers....nana sia... do u hav any idea how muc i hate her? im so sick of her man. imagin la... u spenta loooong time doin u pretty piece of hmwk.. xpect it 2 b original n al.. den she juz go n tak it from u n copy.. n i hafta blame maself 4 bein too soft hearted wen it cums 2 rejectin ppl. i reli dun lik 2 sae e word "no".. tts y i kena "bulie" by her time n time gain... n each time it adds up 2 ma hatred 2wards her.. c'mon la... do u noett in sec 1 n 2.. she keep on bot-lickin ppl.. sae wat "ey u very chio eh" n watsoeva.. den bhind pls back al e bitchyness cum out 2 meowhue... 2002's 2/10 gt experience from it lo....den weneva u ask her sumthin lik.. "lata wat time lesson ends" or "do we hav dis n tt 2dae"... n her answer wil alwaz b a ignoant way of "duno" do u hav any idea of how much e way she sound pisses me off... oh damn.. pls ah.. juz change ma eat.. i promise i b gd.. promise i wun eat bread - i wun sacrificed ma swets n chocos though- durin lessons tim.. juz change ma seat pls. at leas change e parthner.. i wil b so grateful...
niwae nothin intrestin happen durin lesson 2dae.niwae. lexine. if u r readin di.. tanx4 e ballon thingy.. tts so sweet of u.. esp same colour as ma bag. its so nice =). oh n sori i hafta mae u lk after dian 1/2way through... but thanx niwae =)
in e bus was quite funny cuz xinchi was tellin ushow sh bullied e ger in her class...i headr tt story b4.. but i neva got sic of it... cuz itwas sooooooooooo hilarious.. kkz im tired so ya. tata~
xxx
-20:35-leney-
juz wana let u ppl noe, i hav moved to sweetlysadistic.blogspot.com due 2 sum internal pr ma comp hav wit dis blog. so do link me up to this blog ya!!!tata~
xxx
-18:40-leney-
i neva noe fiesta wld b tt fun =)
wel. niwae. i woke up late yesterdae. 8.18. den rush oreadi. did ma hair n al in e car.lucily mum drove me2 sch or else i wun noe wat tim den i wld reach sia.
came 2 sch, diann was waitin 4 me at e foyer dere. felt so bad cuz i was suppose 2 fetch her 2 sch... den erm go help out at e fd court stall. made sum lame jokes dere b4 goin 2 ma claz... was lazni ard dere 4 awhile b4 goin ard wit diann, den nora n al.kinda 4got where i was lazni bout but i wil alwaz remember seein tt mrs lee ai hoon got dunk. ha~de e hr b4 ma shift in e fd court, i went back 2 e stall 2 help out, as ppl r startin 2 crowd by den. wen i wen 2 e fd ourt. itwas lik almos fully packed. ran inside 2 hlp out. aunty was lik practicali screamin at us n al. even wen we didnt do ntihin wrong. priya left 1/2way cuz sh cun stan e aunty, leavin me n faezah alone. 1/2way through shad n his cousins came 2 sae hi 2 me.. was lik 1/2 chitcattin wit em while doin e work, den e aunty scolded me. it as lik wtf. it aint lik im totali lazin abt. im doin e work at e sam tim. she was so damn rude man. den sudenly faezah cut her han. so he left. leavin onli me 2 hlp out e aunty. n i hafta totali tolerate her man. i was in a fuckin mood by den.. sddenly.. arshad mum came. hehe. felt kinda paiseh wen i saw her... den finali ma shift ended. phew~ practicali ran outa e sta. luckil lexine n dian was ard.. they bought me green tea. which i was so tankful since i haven eaten or drink nithin. den wen back 2 e 4/10's stal gain. everyone was sooo busy. so i left wit diann 2 lk ard while lexine queued 2 hav e pic taken wit jean danker. den erm after ttdian went 2 queue 4 e horror hse while i helped out wit e stall. diann n i manage 2 go c mrs tan kena dunk b4 headin back 2 line up gain. horror hse was fun. i hafta sae tt e ppl of 4/9 reli did it wel. den erm after tt wen back 2 stall gain dis tim 1/3 of e claz was crowdin behind our stall hearin out e numbers bein read out from e lucky draw. we lked lik sum ppl gamblin n al. quite a funny sight.n siddiq's no got read out. a facial body n waxin treament. wahaahha. wat e hell~ everyone was laughin at him. den our clz dedicate sum songs n e las dediation of e dae was read out 2 sum ppl n it was by zheng hang sia.obviously, ppl in e claz saboh-ed him. everyone was lik laughin at him n alm sayin he bhb n al. haha.
after e whole thingy ended. diann n i waited 4 nina n lois at sembawang mrt station.heard wrong info, thus diann n i was waitin at dere while they al was in e bus, goin 2cwp.heh. stupid us. keke. dian, nina, lois n i went 2 sakae sushi @ cwp 2 eat. diann was so tired, she slept while waitin 4 e fd.. de we were lik laughin n jokin while waitin 4 e fd. a nice place 2 dnie at. but i stil prefer e novenas'.after eatin. went 2 meet e bf at e ctrl station, he sent me hme n we tok alot. wahahha. cant help it. i juz lov tokin 2 him.aww~ den hafta part. miss him so. esp wat happen dese few days. den sat on ia's car2 her hse 2 wait 4 ma mum. her hse very nice sia, big n homey. chit chat wt e mum b4ma mum came. den wentback 2 skudai. ate sum supper dere b4 headin hme. was bou 2 hit e bed b4 e bf called... chit chat wit him 4 a while. short n sweet.haiz. i miss him sooo much.=) tata~
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Thursday, March 11, 2004
-21:47-leney-
ok great. how screwed can ds comp b.haiz. it hurts me 2 c e pic taken wit shad babes... how m i gona survive from now on? haiz. its al ma fault. ma damn stupidness tt cause us 2 b in dis stead. haiz.. ma stupid idea n plain laziness + totali wrong timin. wat a jinx i m. seem as though i hav been bringin bad luck 2 ppl ard me. hae maself 4 tt. curse maself 4 tt. i desere 2 b killed asap 2 prevent maself 4 doin mor harm 2 ppl ard me. damn maself.
haiz. suddenly realize i sucks in tellin lies.- so shad, u dun hafta worry bout me cheatin on u cuz i cant even tel a lie properly.. heh...-.. n wat lousy parents i hav... cant they even tel a simple lie juz 2 help me? muzu get me in2 sch deep shit b4 u ppl r finali hapi? i dun do dis often niwae so y cant u ppl juz play along e game? y cant u ppl juz b lik his parents? his parents r lik a whole tons mor beta den u ppl... at leas tey bother 2 sit down, listen n undersan. whilst u ppl hav nothin but violence n strictness in ur mind? do u noe e stricter u r, e mor rebellious i get? dun u noe tt as long as violence is til present in ds family, i dread goin home? no one understans me. al u ppl noe is juz 2 nag n yell w/o even tryin 2 understan. eplace tt i go back 2 is nothin but an empty shell. its not wat i cal home. n u ppl dun restrict me from hueva i hang out wit. n NO im not mixin ard wit bad company. im not e slut u tink i m -imagine ur very own dad callin u a slut 4 no reason, n e mum was so hapi tt he used it on u, she keep repeatni tt wrd on u. sumor go n chck dictionary 2 show u e meanin.- i dun understan wats on u ppl's mind. u dun refrain me from tokin 2 a guy juz lidat. im in a mixed sch 4 fuck sake. i hang out wit hueva i lik. n i do so hapen 2 lov 2 hang out wit shad. so y cant u ppl juz accept e fact instead of tryin 2 separate us wit e threats too. i love him n tts final k?dun u ppl eva try 2 hurt him or his family or i wil neva 4giv u imbeciles 4 tt.
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
-21:17-leney-
ma whole body aches!!
damn.dis is e 2nd tim im typin dis... type a whole long nice one 2 b published... but shads internet explorer got screwed up.. oh den watch e southpark thingy juz now... hehe. it was so damn funny... so lame.... hehe...
niwae... i finali got ma place changed.... so hapi... no longer stuck wit sum1 wit such major atti pro tt i cant stan.. but im gona miss lois nina n gang though.. 4 one such person i hafta sacrifice e ppl ard me.. but i reli cant stan her so yea. niwae. if i were 2 noe tt gettin e cher 2 chang ma place wld means by hidin at e back juz cuz deres a tiny cockroach in claz... i wun hav been "beggin" her 2 change ma seat. wateva~
yesterdae was our 14th mth... didnt reli celebrate it cuz he was sick n i got dance.. juz kinda meet up at mac n tata~ nvm... gona make him do belated celebration... keke.. yesterdae was quite a pathetic day 4 me... had modern dance.. kinda "sacrifice" maself 2 b stretched by jenny.. shld hav insisted on pairin up wit diann... niwae... i was sumhow linked 2 e sadistic mood yesterdae, though instead of feelin hapi 2 c ppl in pain.. i feel hapi 2 b in pain.. so ya.. was lik stretchin.. jenny was pullin me.. 1.2.3.4.5.... n tadah... e muscle/vein/wateva u called tt was pulled.. n i noe rite away tt i had sprained ma inner thighs.. so yea..can sae e whole of e rite side of ma body is achin... n e back thighs of ma left leg is hurtin too... can sae i "asked" 4 it...but wateva~ as long as dere is sum1 willin 2 massage me... its gd enuf... yea wany? *winks* keke..
i wana watch dirty dancin 2!! i wana watch e way they dance.. by hook or by crook.. i swear by e end of nex wk.. im gona watch at leas 2 movies... or im gona bang ma head against e wall lik wat i did juz now wen i was so frustrated i got helpless n thus vent ma anger against e wall.. heh....
haiyo. dun fel lik goin 2 sch tml.. i got soo much hmwk tt i haven do which is suppose 2 b handed in tml... but yet, i hafta help out in e claz banner... or else i wun hav gone sch tml.. furthurmor ma mum allow.. damn... mayb on thurs? *shrugs*. everyday i seem 2 b bz wit different things though... damnation.
chanel asked me y m i so hyper dese days.. esp wen im sick. franklny. i duno too.. im suppose 2 b all weak n quiet.. yet im e complete opposite... wat a weird freak i m... wonder wen e depression period wil start gain.. juz one thin... dun betray ma trust k? pls. i beg u ppl. im sick of it yea? do nithin. juz dun betray ma trust 4 u guys. tts e worst pain... i rather suffere physical pain den tt kinda emotional pain...yea.. *cross fingers... n toes...*
i got so much 2 sae... but im reli tired... so ya... tata~
xxx
-17:29-leney-
ma body aches!
haiyo.. yesterdae wen 4 modern dance.. den i sacrifice maself 2 b stretch by teacher so tt no one wil b tortured... naturaly.. i got tortured.. durin e 1st stretch wen she was pullin me 2 e front... i cld feel e muscle/vein/wateva u cal tt got pulled.. n rite at e very moment i noe i sprained ma inner thighs... so ya. very nice. walk ard very slow n quite awkwardly 2dae... =(
bf is suppose 2 buy me bread durin recess... obviously he 4got... end up starvin 4 e nes 2 free periods... oh. n ma seat finali got changed!!! after e days of makin me sit wit sum1 wit major atti pro. i was asked 2 sit alone at e back wen i ran away from a cockroach crawlin ard ma seat. very nice way 2 hav ma seat got changed yea. hafta sit alone. but wateva~ i went 2 sit wit faezah rite after she was gone.. den mrs jalil went 2 me n touch me on ma shoulder, askin me y i change sit... she tot i argued wit tt syazana.. which indirectly we did cuz she was showin such major a.p... but nah. i told her tt tee changed ma sit cuz i jumped from a cockroach.....
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Friday, March 05, 2004
-22:32-leney-
heh... realize im not bein e usual lene.in fact i tink i m juz bein alene dese days. heh. sounds weird eh. nvm. its gona b quite a long story if i m 2 explain e difference of lene n alene. in fact i tink very few ppl even noes it. -juz lik few ppl cal me lene...- so ya. lts juz sae.. erm. lene shal b e mor serious kind n in fact if im not rong.. onli ppl in ma bus, a few of ma homies,
niwae hmm. actuali i gt quite a lota comments bout yesterdae's ad... but im scare i wil sound too sarcastic n al, esp wen i noe how it els lik wen u put efforts in sum stuffs yet got kinda "insulted" in e end? niwae. welz. 2 b frank... i almos died of e non-stop shriekings n *toots*. 2/5's ad was kinda lik a one-man show which got me goin "huh?" n go sum of e audience clappin ther hands 1/2way through 2 b "sarcastic"... i duno which part was it but e shriekings got me so irritated, i kinda shriek as wel... den.. 2/6... erm... among men ma frenz, we tot tt e inroducton was kinda sarcastic, as in "fat or thin", "tall or short".... i noe they dun mean it. but it oes snuds a teeny weeny sarcastic.. heh... oh.. n den came e "lians".. i swear i cld hav suffered from too much shocked.. e gers were so... nvm...i shal hide ma disgust. but i stil tink tt beta lkin lians cld hav been chosen... *shrugs* mean no harm. juz ma personal pnt of view.. oh den 2dae's ad...hmmm frankly. i hav completely 4gotten bout 2/7's ad...but hmm 2/8's ad was pretty orite.. juz abit too malay-ish? *shrugs*
hmmm.i tink ma chi teacher has gien up on me oreadi.... she even advise me 2 take up e 'b'syllabus ofchi cuz i juz cant b bothered? wel is not tt i juz cant b bothred. is juz tt e amt of work they r givn me is freakin me out.. imagine.4 corrections, twenty corrections 4 one wrd wrong... n c'mon.. i got 36/100? den. 4 test.. every wrong anwer, write 2times n i'dgot 37/100? not 2 mention e other "ci yu" test every week, which i hav ben failin non stop. its juz drivin me insane wit e amt of craziness they r putin me through. had chi remedial 2dae til 230. was suppose 2stay back after tt 2 finish e corrections.. but i gt so sick of chi, i ran away wit chanel... at different times though.. heh.
went4 modern dance after tt. hehe.. plenty of fun... went down 2 parade square 2 c alene no.2's claz practisin 4 e da ad.. we were lik cheerin n al.. juz bein crazy *winks* realize i hav been hangin ard often wit e modern dancers dese day.. oh n yea. they had been by ma side al dese while.. love u guyz. *hugs* esp alina... wat can i do w/o her? ma fellow parthner wen it cums 2drownin our sorrows..n 4eva patient wt mewen itcums 2 listenin 2 ma pro... wahaha.. oh but dis week had been quite a teary week 4e dancers.. as though sum1 had put a curse on us... makin us so upset n stress... but still. gd luck 4 tml ya. u ppl had trained so hard, obviousy harder den we i.f.d ppl. so ya.... jia you wor!!
oh den hmmm. woke up feelin emotionless. was juz gvin everyone a blank face wit no expression written on it, onli wen i saw zaifa, tt afew tears trinkled outa ma eyes. 2daeteared in e parade square 2dae... i cun help it. i tried controllin e tears.... but i had bee controllin since las nite tt i juz cun hold it any longer... den mrs jalil saw n she was bein so nice n al.. askin me wats wrong n wheher i wana go toilet n al... shook m head al e while though.. hehe. en mrs liao saw it too, den wen goin up 2 claz she kinda pulld me 2 a lil side n was lik sayin.. "alene.. wats wrong. i c u sobbin so sadly.. izit cuz of stress?" wel mayb wat im typin here now bout dese 2 lovin teachrs didnt mke any impact on u.. but it did melted ma heart cuz they were bein completely sweet.. i was so touched. oh n den durin eng.. sum ppl had 2 irritate me so much tt i teared gain.. n thus gt pulled out by mrsthong 4 a "lil talk".. was force 2 sae wat happen.. thank u *frowns* den durin bio, i cun do nithin 2 stop dese uncontrollable pin tt i end up drawin ma hand n al 2 4get bout wats hapenin... buttt got me in2 truble durin pe cuz mdm salwana saw those drawings den asked bout it.. i hid ma hand den ma dear lois tol her tt i was sufferin from depression... so once gain.. qns was asked n i was brought aside again 4 another "smal tok". after tt was chem. i was pretty calm -emotionaly- by den, so mdm rekha didnt reli notice.. juz kinda ga each other a weak smile n continued doin ma work -which cums 2make me wonder whether nione mark ma attendance durin modern dance 2dae...-. recess i hung out wit lois outside lib.. on e way i saw smthin n e calm mood go disrupted. thus by e tim we reached e benches outside e lib.. i was startin a over gain... banged ma head against e table a few times -wated 2 banged mor but lois was practicali shoutin at me by den- b4 lyin on e table n cried... den lois came over n lent me a shoulder2 cry on. i fel quite bad cuz i kinda made her cry cuz i cried . aww~. cried 4 awhile den i went 2 slp til e bell rung. den after recess was physics. as usual chantira 4got our chocolates but stil givus our test.. it asn even lik a test cuz clues n hints were written on e board.. everyone was tellin him tt he mite as wel let us hv an open book test.... ...
after ance.. went 2 cwp wit diann 2 buy sum fd in long john... we saw xuenie, thus e 3of us went home 2gether.. we tok aot of crap in e bus.. but lil dian was juzbein quiet.. lik as though we dun let her tok at al.. keke. de wen we reached custom.. we saw a very moody melody.. it seemed tt gang bang is quite a wel-used threat dese days yea? fuck dese desperat bastards man. niwae. hmm i wun reli tok much bout wat hapend cuz its kinda onli btw e ppl in e bus n sum few othrs inter-related ppl. niwae. we kinda got her touched wit wat we raised. oh n diann dear.. thanx4helpin out ya? we reli appeciate n r thankful of tt.. we owe u one =) so ya. tts al 4 2dae den. tata~
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
-21:30-leney-
damn. everyhin is so not goin ma way dese days.
n wats worst.. im sick... yea,again... its s not fair... had a "smal-vomitin-session" on sun... n after t i slept early too.. so y m i stil sick.. oh c'mon.... oh pls.. i do hope its not cuz of tt gastroenteritis gain.. its suppose2 b over after e medication las yr.. its suppose 2 b over... damn y cant it juz go away... n wat worst... e lump in e tummy is back.. its suppose b so damn gone by now.. it was gone 4 mor den 1/2 yr oreadi.. y izit back? *wails* i dun wana b under medicaton gain. it sucks!!! n now im lik coughin non stop.. damn.. y m i so damn "suay" dese days.. oi had been sucha gd ger yet al e bad things juz keep comin non stop.. i haven been totali drinkin cold drinks 4a long stuff noe.. i onli drink justea wen im "drownin ma sorrows" wit alina.. i seldom drink or eat cold stuffs sia n im coughin... cool!~
haiz. dese days i hav been lik so depess n al... e homies wil noe y..niwae. haiz
I'm sorry I'm too loud.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry you can't be proud.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry for always wishing
that I'd hurry up and die.
I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough
or as strong and plump as you'd like me to be.
I'm sorry for my careless mistakes.
I'm sorry for being me.
Look At Her.
This Shell Of Emotion
Portrays A Girl Who Cares Of Nothing
Walking The World, Wandering Aimlessly...
Wondering Why She Lives.
To Show Her Fears And Insecurities Is Unheard Of-
Weak Is The Last Thing She Wants To Feel.
Heartbroken And Infuriated.
Left Alone To Drown In Self-Pity;
Questioning Herself, Her Existence, Her Meaning.
How It All Came Crashing Down To This.
Tell No One. Show No One Your Pain.
Hide In Your Lonely Corner, Bleed Away Your Frustrations.
Nothing Changes.
At The End Of The Day, You Still Long To Hear The Words You Only Hear In Dreams;
"I Love You For Who You Are...
Not Who You Pretend To Be."
niwae. had e maths mock exam 2dae.. its orite.. ju hope i wil pas cuz i actuali studid 4 dis...*cross fingers n toes*
oh dear.. come 2 tink bout it.. i hafta hnd in sum hist hmwk tml.. but i un even noe where e wksht is or how it even lk lik oreadi.. damnation... oh sumor sti owe e pccg cher e journal.. *stressed up*
but i hafta admit.. dese few days tt i had spent in modern dance was fun.. al those childish moments juz came back -no offence though- wat im sayin is juz those innocent fun.. e "lame" jokes n e teasin n gossips. =) e "self-given" break wt dear dian n gang was fun.. n small talks bout how sum particular ex-moder-dancer has betrayed us yea? all those fakin bootlickin-ness n lies.. it al s so fae. n pls ma dear ger.. dun go ard tellin ppl til as though im damn close 2 u. cuz in reality. we aren't.at all so pls dnu "ruin" ma reputation by claimin tt we r very close n al. i hate liars n hypocrites ,so shirin, stop tt ya? im sri if i soudn bitchy here. but i juz dun lik ppl goin ard tellin other ppl tings tt r so not true. u lik so tryin 2 "gain" popularity by goin ard tellin ppl how u r close 2 e upper sec ppl n al... yea u r quite a nice ger n al, but tt juz aint e way 2 b lik dis.. u r juz lettin ppl laughed at u..
niwae. hmm. leney has been a noti ger dese days.. actali it aint reli noti.. shld b carelessy stupid.. she has been accienatlly bangin herself in2 e edges of her parents bed.. n getin bruised on her arms while playin ard wit her gerfrenz.. she tried "trimmin" her hair 2 make it lk nicely slanted 2dae.. but sadly... it got damn straight instead... n now sh lk kinda weird? wahahaha.. oh n sum beans pop up at her 2dae while she was playin e long beans n she kinda embarrassed herself by kinda screamin softly?
laughing prancing in the corridors
A false smile runs across her face
always laughing ...never happy
never taken seriously
Stress of grades him life
A whisper for a scream
Newest outlet for her pain
Hurt herself again
who cares?
She's always happy anyway
Always joking never said
So when the sparkle left her eyes
Just one year before
No one seemed to notice
No one seemed to care
She's huddled on the floor
Pounding on her heart
Bleeding off her tears
The pain stays
Harbored deep
Hidden there- she's scared
Scared of being lost
Scared of being gone
Her cries are to be saved
she dreams of being saved
please
She whispers
to be saved
ww.. i guez 2dae is oneof ma longest entry yea.. i stil hav soo much 2 sae.. yet i dun tink its suitble 2 put it down here 4al 2 c.. so i guez i shal juz keep it al inside gain?
I think I know a tear.
I know one all too well.
It's glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me.
My lips- they quiver
Crying for a touch
The taste of salt reaches me
My tongue ever satisfied
Slowly this drop lands
Placed upon the ground
something that was once so important
Such a piece of you
Could it be forgotten so,
Or do you count them as they leave?
Collecting the tears in a jar
Trapping them, like a memory
Brings an idea of forever being
A tear for a tear
This is why, my friend, I know
A tear all to well
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Friday, February 27, 2004
-22:10-leney-
oh dear.oh my...
niwae hmmm. 2dae was e bf's ad... it was cute n abit bhb-ish.. wahaha.. kiddin kiddin... niwae, ya. 2daes ad was nice. but sum of us was kinda disappointed den we found out 3/9 was doin song dedication cuz tt was wat we wantedden.. but got ejected.. *shrugs*
oh. eng was funny as usual... everyone was laughin 1/2 e tim.... den bio was meaningless.. didt do pe.. juz sat down n tok.. oh n laugh at mr ho.. he lk lik a clown!! wit his pants lik too small for him n black coloured socks tt was pulled so high up.. kailin n i was practicali laughin everytiim we saw him. den had cem test.. got a feelin i draw e graph wrongly... oh n i tink i ot confused between exothermic n endothermic gain... despite e no of times i tried memorisin is.. haiz... kinda create a misunderstandin durin recess... den physics was scary 4 me...
den had e damn hi test..was lik half cryin.. but not cuz of e paper.. i neva cried 4 a test or exam b4 n i neva wil, cuz its kinda dumb? so niwae. yea.. kinda cryin 2 maself due 2 sum things...wateva~ had modern dane... hmm niwae.. after remedial, went 2 modern dance.. saw alina sweetie.. n she noe i was moody.. esp wen i speak cuz i was soft.. yea. 4 once im not loud yea? keke... niwae..ya.. went down 2 canteen 2 "drown our sorrows in jus tea" wahaha.. but i ended up e onli one drinkin cuz she was full... -_-" keke. oh. on our way we saw meiying n sonia.. had a "small huggin session" n oso one wit leyu too =) oh den we were on our way up wen we saw dian n her fren... they wana grab sumthin 2 eat n since we had nothin 2 do.. we followed em too.. keke... oh den.. had abitty of fun b4 goin up 4 practice..
practice 4 e international frenship day.. lk lik a fool in e beginnin cuz i wasnt sure wit e dance step n e song was soooo fast. niwae. yea. luckily in e end i manage 2 b able 2 catch up.. guez i juz need2 brush up e steps now =) hmm de alene -not me.i mean e other alene- came up 2 me.. n ask me 2 help out wit their dance 4 e competition.. hmm nheir ance as nice but e song wasnt.. so we lik findin songs 2 change n al.... den go dian in cuze other grp was lik neglectin her n al.. n 2 tink tt melissa actuali showed me atti pro wen we weretokin 2 her nicey.. damn her man. lik tt tim cca open hse... grr. shes damn fuckin rude. period. den hmmm alene they al started cryin cuz they fel stress den ma lil dian tot they cried cuz of melisa bin angry cuz din switch 2ther grp n she kinda cried too.. i was lik awww ma wat had i done.. den e seniors tried consolin each of em. guez we kinda succed in e end huh ? keke. niwae ma dear nattaporn... pls dun eva trick me in2 offerin 2 carry me n thus swingin me in circles.. tt was soo scary!!! im lik stil hvin a slight giddines here n dere... wahahah.. but frankly it was quite fun ah? keke.
k la. i hafta go slp now. stil go bio tml. so ya. tata~
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
-22:55-leney-
damn.it so doesnt pay try 2 b nice 2 sum1. try 2 b s nicen polite n al. n i stil ended u bein e one in total fault. damn sia.
Rage, a verbal hate on display,
a play on word with your life in the game,
only left with the anger to destroy you,
I look for answers pushing questions far from sight.
Finding a friend in the darkest of places,
hiding from light in the most tainted of ages,
trying to make sense of something wrong feeling so right,
yet tommorow being better seems so far from sight.
Unknown is a tale of what soon may come,
the mind is now plauged with the foul stench of mystery,
followed by a strain of forgotten misery,
held by a lord forgotten in death.
Fuel so vile it spews from inside,
twisting and plucking the hairs from all sides,
stare at your swear lay now cold on the floor,
screaming pulse burning words of -fake- "No More".
Is this me...is this you, something rotten is for sale,
a life of betrayal, giving up without a fight.
No one wants to be free, they can't handle the absolute,
but everyone wants the truth...
Spit on my face!
I can handle the disgrace,
I deserve the disgrace,
for the worlds money, the fame, the shame, and the wealth,
I'm the one smart enough to turn against myself.
xxx
-22:26-leney-
boy m i scared now.... damn. its lik so hard not 2 blif tt its true? it moved n we were each swearin we werent doin e movin... ah dui.. reli reli scary.... *goosebumps all risin* kaili ask me not 2 pursue e mata nimor.. but i reli wana pusue e mata bout e lil boy.... wel ok. not e same way but i reli wana pursue.. dere is quite a possibility tt its true actuali.... *shrugs* guez i shal find out from daddy wen he cums back mayb? n damn azzriyani, syazana n shuhui. damn ur mouth bitches. wats wit us doin dis any concern of urs. we arent cursin u ppl wit it niwae. its not worth riskin 4 u bitches.u ppl dun deserve it.
boy r they gettin on ma nerves man. damn. n 2 tink puki tee dun wana chang ma place no mata how i beg her. c'mon la. y muz i alwaz st wite wost ppl in e claz. excludni loi tohugh. i muz tank tee 4 makin me sit wit loisin e beginnin o e yr.. at leas it changes ma opinion 2wards her... lov her man =)niwae. yea after lois, it wasnashreen. nashreen is orite.. juz tt i cant stan her smell sumtimz.. other en tt.. she reli is quite gd in atti.. juz lazy in doin hmwk tts al. but walau,of al gers....nana sia... do u hav any idea how muc i hate her? im so sick of her man. imagin la... u spenta loooong time doin u pretty piece of hmwk.. xpect it 2 b original n al.. den she juz go n tak it from u n copy.. n i hafta blame maself 4 bein too soft hearted wen it cums 2 rejectin ppl. i reli dun lik 2 sae e word "no".. tts y i kena "bulie" by her time n time gain... n each time it adds up 2 ma hatred 2wards her.. c'mon la... do u noett in sec 1 n 2.. she keep on bot-lickin ppl.. sae wat "ey u very chio eh" n watsoeva.. den bhind pls back al e bitchyness cum out 2 meowhue... 2002's 2/10 gt experience from it lo....den weneva u ask her sumthin lik.. "lata wat time lesson ends" or "do we hav dis n tt 2dae"... n her answer wil alwaz b a ignoant way of "duno" do u hav any idea of how much e way she sound pisses me off... oh damn.. pls ah.. juz change ma eat.. i promise i b gd.. promise i wun eat bread - i wun sacrificed ma swets n chocos though- durin lessons tim.. juz change ma seat pls. at leas change e parthner.. i wil b so grateful...
niwae nothin intrestin happen durin lesson 2dae.niwae. lexine. if u r readin di.. tanx4 e ballon thingy.. tts so sweet of u.. esp same colour as ma bag. its so nice =). oh n sori i hafta mae u lk after dian 1/2way through... but thanx niwae =)
in e bus was quite funny cuz xinchi was tellin ushow sh bullied e ger in her class...i headr tt story b4.. but i neva got sic of it... cuz itwas sooooooooooo hilarious.. kkz im tired so ya. tata~
*daNce 4 leney_baby*
xxx
