dangerously in love

2004-03-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

juz wana let u ppl noe, i hav moved to sweetlysadistic.blogspot.com due 2 sum internal pr ma comp hav wit dis blog. so do link me up to this blog ya!!!tata~

2004-03-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

i neva noe fiesta wld b tt fun =)
wel. niwae. i woke up late yesterdae. 8.18. den rush oreadi. did ma hair n al in e car.lucily mum drove me2 sch or else i wun noe wat tim den i wld reach sia.
came 2 sch, diann was waitin 4 me at e foyer dere. felt so bad cuz i was suppose 2 fetch her 2 sch... den erm go help out at e fd court stall. made sum lame jokes dere b4 goin 2 ma claz... was lazni ard dere 4 awhile b4 goin ard wit diann, den nora n al.kinda 4got where i was lazni bout but i wil alwaz remember seein tt mrs lee ai hoon got dunk. ha~de e hr b4 ma shift in e fd court, i went back 2 e stall 2 help out, as ppl r startin 2 crowd by den. wen i wen 2 e fd ourt. itwas lik almos fully packed. ran inside 2 hlp out. aunty was lik practicali screamin at us n al. even wen we didnt do ntihin wrong. priya left 1/2way cuz sh cun stan e aunty, leavin me n faezah alone. 1/2way through shad n his cousins came 2 sae hi 2 me.. was lik 1/2 chitcattin wit em while doin e work, den e aunty scolded me. it as lik wtf. it aint lik im totali lazin abt. im doin e work at e sam tim. she was so damn rude man. den sudenly faezah cut her han. so he left. leavin onli me 2 hlp out e aunty. n i hafta totali tolerate her man. i was in a fuckin mood by den.. sddenly.. arshad mum came. hehe. felt kinda paiseh wen i saw her... den finali ma shift ended. phew~ practicali ran outa e sta. luckil lexine n dian was ard.. they bought me green tea. which i was so tankful since i haven eaten or drink nithin. den wen back 2 e 4/10's stal gain. everyone was sooo busy. so i left wit diann 2 lk ard while lexine queued 2 hav e pic taken wit jean danker. den erm after ttdian went 2 queue 4 e horror hse while i helped out wit e stall. diann n i manage 2 go c mrs tan kena dunk b4 headin back 2 line up gain. horror hse was fun. i hafta sae tt e ppl of 4/9 reli did it wel. den erm after tt wen back 2 stall gain dis tim 1/3 of e claz was crowdin behind our stall hearin out e numbers bein read out from e lucky draw. we lked lik sum ppl gamblin n al. quite a funny sight.n siddiq's no got read out. a facial body n waxin treament. wahaahha. wat e hell~ everyone was laughin at him. den our clz dedicate sum songs n e las dediation of e dae was read out 2 sum ppl n it was by zheng hang sia.obviously, ppl in e claz saboh-ed him. everyone was lik laughin at him n alm sayin he bhb n al. haha.
after e whole thingy ended. diann n i waited 4 nina n lois at sembawang mrt station.heard wrong info, thus diann n i was waitin at dere while they al was in e bus, goin 2cwp.heh. stupid us. keke. dian, nina, lois n i went 2 sakae sushi @ cwp 2 eat. diann was so tired, she slept while waitin 4 e fd.. de we were lik laughin n jokin while waitin 4 e fd. a nice place 2 dnie at. but i stil prefer e novenas'.after eatin. went 2 meet e bf at e ctrl station, he sent me hme n we tok alot. wahahha. cant help it. i juz lov tokin 2 him.aww~ den hafta part. miss him so. esp wat happen dese few days. den sat on ia's car2 her hse 2 wait 4 ma mum. her hse very nice sia, big n homey. chit chat wt e mum b4ma mum came. den wentback 2 skudai. ate sum supper dere b4 headin hme. was bou 2 hit e bed b4 e bf called... chit chat wit him 4 a while. short n sweet.haiz. i miss him sooo much.=) tata~

2004-03-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

ok great. how screwed can ds comp b.haiz. it hurts me 2 c e pic taken wit shad babes... how m i gona survive from now on? haiz. its al ma fault. ma damn stupidness tt cause us 2 b in dis stead. haiz.. ma stupid idea n plain laziness + totali wrong timin. wat a jinx i m. seem as though i hav been bringin bad luck 2 ppl ard me. hae maself 4 tt. curse maself 4 tt. i desere 2 b killed asap 2 prevent maself 4 doin mor harm 2 ppl ard me. damn maself.
haiz. suddenly realize i sucks in tellin lies.- so shad, u dun hafta worry bout me cheatin on u cuz i cant even tel a lie properly.. heh...-.. n wat lousy parents i hav... cant they even tel a simple lie juz 2 help me? muzu get me in2 sch deep shit b4 u ppl r finali hapi? i dun do dis often niwae so y cant u ppl juz play along e game? y cant u ppl juz b lik his parents? his parents r lik a whole tons mor beta den u ppl... at leas tey bother 2 sit down, listen n undersan. whilst u ppl hav nothin but violence n strictness in ur mind? do u noe e stricter u r, e mor rebellious i get? dun u noe tt as long as violence is til present in ds family, i dread goin home? no one understans me. al u ppl noe is juz 2 nag n yell w/o even tryin 2 understan. eplace tt i go back 2 is nothin but an empty shell. its not wat i cal home. n u ppl dun restrict me from hueva i hang out wit. n NO im not mixin ard wit bad company. im not e slut u tink i m -imagine ur very own dad callin u a slut 4 no reason, n e mum was so hapi tt he used it on u, she keep repeatni tt wrd on u. sumor go n chck dictionary 2 show u e meanin.- i dun understan wats on u ppl's mind. u dun refrain me from tokin 2 a guy juz lidat. im in a mixed sch 4 fuck sake. i hang out wit hueva i lik. n i do so hapen 2 lov 2 hang out wit shad. so y cant u ppl juz accept e fact instead of tryin 2 separate us wit e threats too. i love him n tts final k?dun u ppl eva try 2 hurt him or his family or i wil neva 4giv u imbeciles 4 tt.
haiz. m so stress up now. i do so wana cal him n tok 2 him n al. but how m i suppose2.. furthurmor wit e misunderstanin juz now.. shad.. i swear 2 u i was onli playin wit e gers. i reli dunohow 2 xplan 2 u face 2face wit e prob we r facin now. so plsdun eva ignore me cuz we wil hav no way 2 commnicate at al... i need u by ma side. i need u hugs 2 comfort me n ur kisses 2make everythin seems orite. no one understans how i fel now den u do cz u noe wat happen happened. so pls dun hate me. n dun igonre me. i reli dun wan fel worse den i oreadi m or i wun noe wat 2 do.. n i reli duno wat 2 do wen im in e damn helpless atti cuz nothin wil seems normal 4 me den..

2004-03-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

ma whole body aches!!
damn.dis is e 2nd tim im typin dis... type a whole long nice one 2 b published... but shads internet explorer got screwed up.. oh den watch e southpark thingy juz now... hehe. it was so damn funny... so lame.... hehe...
niwae... i finali got ma place changed.... so hapi... no longer stuck wit sum1 wit such major atti pro tt i cant stan.. but im gona miss lois nina n gang though.. 4 one such person i hafta sacrifice e ppl ard me.. but i reli cant stan her so yea. niwae. if i were 2 noe tt gettin e cher 2 chang ma place wld means by hidin at e back juz cuz deres a tiny cockroach in claz... i wun hav been "beggin" her 2 change ma seat. wateva~
yesterdae was our 14th mth... didnt reli celebrate it cuz he was sick n i got dance.. juz kinda meet up at mac n tata~ nvm... gona make him do belated celebration... keke.. yesterdae was quite a pathetic day 4 me... had modern dance.. kinda "sacrifice" maself 2 b stretched by jenny.. shld hav insisted on pairin up wit diann... niwae... i was sumhow linked 2 e sadistic mood yesterdae, though instead of feelin hapi 2 c ppl in pain.. i feel hapi 2 b in pain.. so ya.. was lik stretchin.. jenny was pullin me.. 1.2.3.4.5.... n tadah... e muscle/vein/wateva u called tt was pulled.. n i noe rite away tt i had sprained ma inner thighs.. so yea..can sae e whole of e rite side of ma body is achin... n e back thighs of ma left leg is hurtin too... can sae i "asked" 4 it...but wateva~ as long as dere is sum1 willin 2 massage me... its gd enuf... yea wany? *winks* keke..
i wana watch dirty dancin 2!! i wana watch e way they dance.. by hook or by crook.. i swear by e end of nex wk.. im gona watch at leas 2 movies... or im gona bang ma head against e wall lik wat i did juz now wen i was so frustrated i got helpless n thus vent ma anger against e wall.. heh....
haiyo. dun fel lik goin 2 sch tml.. i got soo much hmwk tt i haven do which is suppose 2 b handed in tml... but yet, i hafta help out in e claz banner... or else i wun hav gone sch tml.. furthurmor ma mum allow.. damn... mayb on thurs? *shrugs*. everyday i seem 2 b bz wit different things though... damnation.
chanel asked me y m i so hyper dese days.. esp wen im sick. franklny. i duno too.. im suppose 2 b all weak n quiet.. yet im e complete opposite... wat a weird freak i m... wonder wen e depression period wil start gain.. juz one thin... dun betray ma trust k? pls. i beg u ppl. im sick of it yea? do nithin. juz dun betray ma trust 4 u guys. tts e worst pain... i rather suffere physical pain den tt kinda emotional pain...yea.. *cross fingers... n toes...*
i got so much 2 sae... but im reli tired... so ya... tata~

2004-03-09T17:29:00.000+08:00

ma body aches!
haiyo.. yesterdae wen 4 modern dance.. den i sacrifice maself 2 b stretch by teacher so tt no one wil b tortured... naturaly.. i got tortured.. durin e 1st stretch wen she was pullin me 2 e front... i cld feel e muscle/vein/wateva u cal tt got pulled.. n rite at e very moment i noe i sprained ma inner thighs... so ya. very nice. walk ard very slow n quite awkwardly 2dae... =(
bf is suppose 2 buy me bread durin recess... obviously he 4got... end up starvin 4 e nes 2 free periods... oh. n ma seat finali got changed!!! after e days of makin me sit wit sum1 wit major atti pro. i was asked 2 sit alone at e back wen i ran away from a cockroach crawlin ard ma seat. very nice way 2 hav ma seat got changed yea. hafta sit alone. but wateva~ i went 2 sit wit faezah rite after she was gone.. den mrs jalil went 2 me n touch me on ma shoulder, askin me y i change sit... she tot i argued wit tt syazana.. which indirectly we did cuz she was showin such major a.p... but nah. i told her tt tee changed ma sit cuz i jumped from a cockroach.....

2004-03-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

heh... realize im not bein e usual lene.in fact i tink i m juz bein alene dese days. heh. sounds weird eh. nvm. its gona b quite a long story if i m 2 explain e difference of lene n alene. in fact i tink very few ppl even noes it. -juz lik few ppl cal me lene...- so ya. lts juz sae.. erm. lene shal b e mor serious kind n in fact if im not rong.. onli ppl in ma bus, a few of ma homies, ~~shirin~~ n shad cals me tt? *shrugs* wateva.
niwae hmm. actuali i gt quite a lota comments bout yesterdae's ad... but im scare i wil sound too sarcastic n al, esp wen i noe how it els lik wen u put efforts in sum stuffs yet got kinda "insulted" in e end? niwae. welz. 2 b frank... i almos died of e non-stop shriekings n *toots*. 2/5's ad was kinda lik a one-man show which got me goin "huh?" n go sum of e audience clappin ther hands 1/2way through 2 b "sarcastic"... i duno which part was it but e shriekings got me so irritated, i kinda shriek as wel... den.. 2/6... erm... among men ma frenz, we tot tt e inroducton was kinda sarcastic, as in "fat or thin", "tall or short".... i noe they dun mean it. but it oes snuds a teeny weeny sarcastic.. heh... oh.. n den came e "lians".. i swear i cld hav suffered from too much shocked.. e gers were so... nvm...i shal hide ma disgust. but i stil tink tt beta lkin lians cld hav been chosen... *shrugs* mean no harm. juz ma personal pnt of view.. oh den 2dae's ad...hmmm frankly. i hav completely 4gotten bout 2/7's ad...but hmm 2/8's ad was pretty orite.. juz abit too malay-ish? *shrugs*
hmmm.i tink ma chi teacher has gien up on me oreadi.... she even advise me 2 take up e 'b'syllabus ofchi cuz i juz cant b bothered? wel is not tt i juz cant b bothred. is juz tt e amt of work they r givn me is freakin me out.. imagine.4 corrections, twenty corrections 4 one wrd wrong... n c'mon.. i got 36/100? den. 4 test.. every wrong anwer, write 2times n i'dgot 37/100? not 2 mention e other "ci yu" test every week, which i hav ben failin non stop. its juz drivin me insane wit e amt of craziness they r putin me through. had chi remedial 2dae til 230. was suppose 2stay back after tt 2 finish e corrections.. but i gt so sick of chi, i ran away wit chanel... at different times though.. heh.
went4 modern dance after tt. hehe.. plenty of fun... went down 2 parade square 2 c alene no.2's claz practisin 4 e da ad.. we were lik cheerin n al.. juz bein crazy *winks* realize i hav been hangin ard often wit e modern dancers dese day.. oh n yea. they had been by ma side al dese while.. love u guyz. *hugs* esp alina... wat can i do w/o her? ma fellow parthner wen it cums 2drownin our sorrows..n 4eva patient wt mewen itcums 2 listenin 2 ma pro... wahaha.. oh but dis week had been quite a teary week 4e dancers.. as though sum1 had put a curse on us... makin us so upset n stress... but still. gd luck 4 tml ya. u ppl had trained so hard, obviousy harder den we i.f.d ppl. so ya.... jia you wor!!
oh den hmmm. woke up feelin emotionless. was juz gvin everyone a blank face wit no expression written on it, onli wen i saw zaifa, tt afew tears trinkled outa ma eyes. 2daeteared in e parade square 2dae... i cun help it. i tried controllin e tears.... but i had bee controllin since las nite tt i juz cun hold it any longer... den mrs jalil saw n she was bein so nice n al.. askin me wats wrong n wheher i wana go toilet n al... shook m head al e while though.. hehe. en mrs liao saw it too, den wen goin up 2 claz she kinda pulld me 2 a lil side n was lik sayin.. "alene.. wats wrong. i c u sobbin so sadly.. izit cuz of stress?" wel mayb wat im typin here now bout dese 2 lovin teachrs didnt mke any impact on u.. but it did melted ma heart cuz they were bein completely sweet.. i was so touched. oh n den durin eng.. sum ppl had 2 irritate me so much tt i teared gain.. n thus gt pulled out by mrsthong 4 a "lil talk".. was force 2 sae wat happen.. thank u *frowns* den durin bio, i cun do nithin 2 stop dese uncontrollable pin tt i end up drawin ma hand n al 2 4get bout wats hapenin... buttt got me in2 truble durin pe cuz mdm salwana saw those drawings den asked bout it.. i hid ma hand den ma dear lois tol her tt i was sufferin from depression... so once gain.. qns was asked n i was brought aside again 4 another "smal tok". after tt was chem. i was pretty calm -emotionaly- by den, so mdm rekha didnt reli notice.. juz kinda ga each other a weak smile n continued doin ma work -which cums 2make me wonder whether nione mark ma attendance durin modern dance 2dae...-. recess i hung out wit lois outside lib.. on e way i saw smthin n e calm mood go disrupted. thus by e tim we reached e benches outside e lib.. i was startin a over gain... banged ma head against e table a few times -wated 2 banged mor but lois was practicali shoutin at me by den- b4 lyin on e table n cried... den lois came over n lent me a shoulder2 cry on. i fel quite bad cuz i kinda made her cry cuz i cried . aww~. cried 4 awhile den i went 2 slp til e bell rung. den after recess was physics. as usual chantira 4got our chocolates but stil givus our test.. it asn even lik a test cuz clues n hints were written on e board.. everyone was tellin him tt he mite as wel let us hv an open book test.... ...
after ance.. went 2 cwp wit diann 2 buy sum fd in long john... we saw xuenie, thus e 3of us went home 2gether.. we tok aot of crap in e bus.. but lil dian was juzbein quiet.. lik as though we dun let her tok at al.. keke. de wen we reached custom.. we saw a very moody melody.. it seemed tt gang bang is quite a wel-used threat dese days yea? fuck dese desperat bastards man. niwae. hmm i wun reli tok much bout wat hapend cuz its kinda onli btw e ppl in e bus n sum few othrs inter-related ppl. niwae. we kinda got her touched wit wat we raised. oh n diann dear.. thanx4helpin out ya? we reli appeciate n r thankful of tt.. we owe u one =) so ya. tts al 4 2dae den. tata~

2004-03-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

damn. everyhin is so not goin ma way dese days.
n wats worst.. im sick... yea,again... its s not fair... had a "smal-vomitin-session" on sun... n after t i slept early too.. so y m i stil sick.. oh c'mon.... oh pls.. i do hope its not cuz of tt gastroenteritis gain.. its suppose2 b over after e medication las yr.. its suppose 2 b over... damn y cant it juz go away... n wat worst... e lump in e tummy is back.. its suppose b so damn gone by now.. it was gone 4 mor den 1/2 yr oreadi.. y izit back? *wails* i dun wana b under medicaton gain. it sucks!!! n now im lik coughin non stop.. damn.. y m i so damn "suay" dese days.. oi had been sucha gd ger yet al e bad things juz keep comin non stop.. i haven been totali drinkin cold drinks 4a long stuff noe.. i onli drink justea wen im "drownin ma sorrows" wit alina.. i seldom drink or eat cold stuffs sia n im coughin... cool!~
haiz. dese days i hav been lik so depess n al... e homies wil noe y..niwae. haiz ~~wen r u gona stop ignorin me?~~ i hav ben lik so helpless n al dese days.. keep on askin maself n ma frenz wat hav i done tt dis is happenin.. as far as im concern.. i reli didnt do nithin.. I'm sorry I'm not smart enough.

I'm sorry I'm too loud.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry you can't be proud.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry for always wishing
that I'd hurry up and die.
I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough
or as strong and plump as you'd like me to be.
I'm sorry for my careless mistakes.
I'm sorry for being me.

~~izit reli ma fault tt i was sick n thus took e sch bus?~~ ive been lik o miserable n u dun even care? y r u actin lik dis? at leas tel me y?...666044477770844337773302668832043377704446608877704432777806667773323444...*shugs*

Look At Her.
This Shell Of Emotion
Portrays A Girl Who Cares Of Nothing
Walking The World, Wandering Aimlessly...
Wondering Why She Lives.
To Show Her Fears And Insecurities Is Unheard Of-
Weak Is The Last Thing She Wants To Feel.
Heartbroken And Infuriated.
Left Alone To Drown In Self-Pity;
Questioning Herself, Her Existence, Her Meaning.
How It All Came Crashing Down To This.
Tell No One. Show No One Your Pain.
Hide In Your Lonely Corner, Bleed Away Your Frustrations.
Nothing Changes.
At The End Of The Day, You Still Long To Hear The Words You Only Hear In Dreams;
"I Love You For Who You Are...
Not Who You Pretend To Be."

niwae. had e maths mock exam 2dae.. its orite.. ju hope i wil pas cuz i actuali studid 4 dis...*cross fingers n toes*
oh dear.. come 2 tink bout it.. i hafta hnd in sum hist hmwk tml.. but i un even noe where e wksht is or how it even lk lik oreadi.. damnation... oh sumor sti owe e pccg cher e journal.. *stressed up*
but i hafta admit.. dese few days tt i had spent in modern dance was fun.. al those childish moments juz came back -no offence though- wat im sayin is juz those innocent fun.. e "lame" jokes n e teasin n gossips. =) e "self-given" break wt dear dian n gang was fun.. n small talks bout how sum particular ex-moder-dancer has betrayed us yea? all those fakin bootlickin-ness n lies.. it al s so fae. n pls ma dear ger.. dun go ard tellin ppl til as though im damn close 2 u. cuz in reality. we aren't.at all so pls dnu "ruin" ma reputation by claimin tt we r very close n al. i hate liars n hypocrites ,so shirin, stop tt ya? im sri if i soudn bitchy here. but i juz dun lik ppl goin ard tellin other ppl tings tt r so not true. u lik so tryin 2 "gain" popularity by goin ard tellin ppl how u r close 2 e upper sec ppl n al... yea u r quite a nice ger n al, but tt juz aint e way 2 b lik dis.. u r juz lettin ppl laughed at u..
niwae. hmm. leney has been a noti ger dese days.. actali it aint reli noti.. shld b carelessy stupid.. she has been accienatlly bangin herself in2 e edges of her parents bed.. n getin bruised on her arms while playin ard wit her gerfrenz.. she tried "trimmin" her hair 2 make it lk nicely slanted 2dae.. but sadly... it got damn straight instead... n now sh lk kinda weird? wahahaha.. oh n sum beans pop up at her 2dae while she was playin e long beans n she kinda embarrassed herself by kinda screamin softly?

laughing prancing in the corridors
A false smile runs across her face
always laughing ...never happy
never taken seriously
Stress of grades him life
A whisper for a scream
Newest outlet for her pain
Hurt herself again
who cares?
She's always happy anyway
Always joking never said
So when the sparkle left her eyes
Just one year before
No one seemed to notice
No one seemed to care
She's huddled on the floor
Pounding on her heart
Bleeding off her tears
The pain stays
Harbored deep
Hidden there- she's scared
Scared of being lost
Scared of being gone
Her cries are to be saved
she dreams of being saved
please
She whispers
to be saved

ww.. i guez 2dae is oneof ma longest entry yea.. i stil hav soo much 2 sae.. yet i dun tink its suitble 2 put it down here 4al 2 c.. so i guez i shal juz keep it al inside gain?

I think I know a tear.
I know one all too well.
It's glassy figure
falling down
gently kisses me.
My lips- they quiver
Crying for a touch
The taste of salt reaches me
My tongue ever satisfied
Slowly this drop lands
Placed upon the ground
something that was once so important
Such a piece of you
Could it be forgotten so,
Or do you count them as they leave?
Collecting the tears in a jar
Trapping them, like a memory
Brings an idea of forever being
A tear for a tear
This is why, my friend, I know
A tear all to well

2004-02-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

oh dear.oh my...
niwae hmmm. 2dae was e bf's ad... it was cute n abit bhb-ish.. wahaha.. kiddin kiddin... niwae, ya. 2daes ad was nice. but sum of us was kinda disappointed den we found out 3/9 was doin song dedication cuz tt was wat we wantedden.. but got ejected.. *shrugs*
oh. eng was funny as usual... everyone was laughin 1/2 e tim.... den bio was meaningless.. didt do pe.. juz sat down n tok.. oh n laugh at mr ho.. he lk lik a clown!! wit his pants lik too small for him n black coloured socks tt was pulled so high up.. kailin n i was practicali laughin everytiim we saw him. den had cem test.. got a feelin i draw e graph wrongly... oh n i tink i ot confused between exothermic n endothermic gain... despite e no of times i tried memorisin is.. haiz... kinda create a misunderstandin durin recess... den physics was scary 4 me... ~~frankly i duno y.. but im startin 2 get scare or sumthin lidat wen ppl quarrel fierce n angrily?~~*shrugs*
den had e damn hi test..was lik half cryin.. but not cuz of e paper.. i neva cried 4 a test or exam b4 n i neva wil, cuz its kinda dumb? so niwae. yea.. kinda cryin 2 maself due 2 sum things...wateva~ had modern dane... hmm niwae.. after remedial, went 2 modern dance.. saw alina sweetie.. n she noe i was moody.. esp wen i speak cuz i was soft.. yea. 4 once im not loud yea? keke... niwae..ya.. went down 2 canteen 2 "drown our sorrows in jus tea" wahaha.. but i ended up e onli one drinkin cuz she was full... -_-" keke. oh. on our way we saw meiying n sonia.. had a "small huggin session" n oso one wit leyu too =) oh den we were on our way up wen we saw dian n her fren... they wana grab sumthin 2 eat n since we had nothin 2 do.. we followed em too.. keke... oh den.. had abitty of fun b4 goin up 4 practice..
practice 4 e international frenship day.. lk lik a fool in e beginnin cuz i wasnt sure wit e dance step n e song was soooo fast. niwae. yea. luckily in e end i manage 2 b able 2 catch up.. guez i juz need2 brush up e steps now =) hmm de alene -not me.i mean e other alene- came up 2 me.. n ask me 2 help out wit their dance 4 e competition.. hmm nheir ance as nice but e song wasnt.. so we lik findin songs 2 change n al.... den go dian in cuze other grp was lik neglectin her n al.. n 2 tink tt melissa actuali showed me atti pro wen we weretokin 2 her nicey.. damn her man. lik tt tim cca open hse... grr. shes damn fuckin rude. period. den hmmm alene they al started cryin cuz they fel stress den ma lil dian tot they cried cuz of melisa bin angry cuz din switch 2ther grp n she kinda cried too.. i was lik awww ma wat had i done.. den e seniors tried consolin each of em. guez we kinda succed in e end huh ? keke. niwae ma dear nattaporn... pls dun eva trick me in2 offerin 2 carry me n thus swingin me in circles.. tt was soo scary!!! im lik stil hvin a slight giddines here n dere... wahahah.. but frankly it was quite fun ah? keke.
k la. i hafta go slp now. stil go bio tml. so ya. tata~

2004-02-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

damn.it so doesnt pay try 2 b nice 2 sum1. try 2 b s nicen polite n al. n i stil ended u bein e one in total fault. damn sia.

Rage, a verbal hate on display,
a play on word with your life in the game,
only left with the anger to destroy you,
I look for answers pushing questions far from sight.

Finding a friend in the darkest of places,
hiding from light in the most tainted of ages,
trying to make sense of something wrong feeling so right,
yet tommorow being better seems so far from sight.

Unknown is a tale of what soon may come,
the mind is now plauged with the foul stench of mystery,
followed by a strain of forgotten misery,
held by a lord forgotten in death.

Fuel so vile it spews from inside,
twisting and plucking the hairs from all sides,
stare at your swear lay now cold on the floor,
screaming pulse burning words of -fake- "No More".

Is this me...is this you, something rotten is for sale,
a life of betrayal, giving up without a fight.
No one wants to be free, they can't handle the absolute,
but everyone wants the truth...

Spit on my face!

I can handle the disgrace,
I deserve the disgrace,
for the worlds money, the fame, the shame, and the wealth,
I'm the one smart enough to turn against myself.

2004-02-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

boy m i scared now.... damn. its lik so hard not 2 blif tt its true? it moved n we were each swearin we werent doin e movin... ah dui.. reli reli scary.... *goosebumps all risin* kaili ask me not 2 pursue e mata nimor.. but i reli wana pusue e mata bout e lil boy.... wel ok. not e same way but i reli wana pursue.. dere is quite a possibility tt its true actuali.... *shrugs* guez i shal find out from daddy wen he cums back mayb? n damn azzriyani, syazana n shuhui. damn ur mouth bitches. wats wit us doin dis any concern of urs. we arent cursin u ppl wit it niwae. its not worth riskin 4 u bitches.u ppl dun deserve it.
boy r they gettin on ma nerves man. damn. n 2 tink puki tee dun wana chang ma place no mata how i beg her. c'mon la. y muz i alwaz st wite wost ppl in e claz. excludni loi tohugh. i muz tank tee 4 makin me sit wit loisin e beginnin o e yr.. at leas it changes ma opinion 2wards her... lov her man =)niwae. yea after lois, it wasnashreen. nashreen is orite.. juz tt i cant stan her smell sumtimz.. other en tt.. she reli is quite gd in atti.. juz lazy in doin hmwk tts al. but walau,of al gers....nana sia... do u hav any idea how muc i hate her? im so sick of her man. imagin la... u spenta loooong time doin u pretty piece of hmwk.. xpect it 2 b original n al.. den she juz go n tak it from u n copy.. n i hafta blame maself 4 bein too soft hearted wen it cums 2 rejectin ppl. i reli dun lik 2 sae e word "no".. tts y i kena "bulie" by her time n time gain... n each time it adds up 2 ma hatred 2wards her.. c'mon la... do u noett in sec 1 n 2.. she keep on bot-lickin ppl.. sae wat "ey u very chio eh" n watsoeva.. den bhind pls back al e bitchyness cum out 2 meowhue... 2002's 2/10 gt experience from it lo....den weneva u ask her sumthin lik.. "lata wat time lesson ends" or "do we hav dis n tt 2dae"... n her answer wil alwaz b a ignoant way of "duno" do u hav any idea of how much e way she sound pisses me off... oh damn.. pls ah.. juz change ma eat.. i promise i b gd.. promise i wun eat bread - i wun sacrificed ma swets n chocos though- durin lessons tim.. juz change ma seat pls. at leas change e parthner.. i wil b so grateful...
niwae nothin intrestin happen durin lesson 2dae.niwae. lexine. if u r readin di.. tanx4 e ballon thingy.. tts so sweet of u.. esp same colour as ma bag. its so nice =). oh n sori i hafta mae u lk after dian 1/2way through... but thanx niwae =)
in e bus was quite funny cuz xinchi was tellin ushow sh bullied e ger in her class...i headr tt story b4.. but i neva got sic of it... cuz itwas sooooooooooo hilarious.. kkz im tired so ya. tata~

2004-02-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

i got dis from sum webby... actali its nothin sepcial.. juz bout a ger bein rape n al... but yet, in a way, it kinda lingers in ma heart... ttsy im puttin dis up..

I can't tell anyone
The hurt, the pain, the nightmare i see-
I can't help myself
No one can help me

I'm alone because of this
My innocense was torn apart
My mind was split in two.

I said no... i really did
No... no...no...NO!...no...no
My mouth flooded with fallen tears
My fingers raking the bed sheets
As... my virgin self was killed.

I can't believe i did this
It's all because of me
The image of he and I
Always in my dreams

I did this... it was me.
I can't believe this happened...
I want to fucking die

You said what we did was "fun"
I said no.
You think what we did was fucking fun?
i can't take this, what have i done?

He forced me
I was forced
I said No....
I did
No... no...no...NO!...no...no

I shudder as I think of it
I crawl around that word
I whisper it to me...
rape.

I can't believe i did this
It's all because of me
The image of he and I
Always in my dreams

No one understands
What the fuck I did
it was all because of me
I was getting what i asked for...

even though..
i said no.

2004-02-23T22:32:00.000+08:00

Rage, a verbal hate on display,
a play on word with your life in the game,
only left with the anger to destroy you,
I look for answers pushing questions far from sight.

Finding a friend in the darkest of places,
hiding from light in the most tainted of ages,
trying to make sense of something wrong feeling so right,
yet tommorow being better seems so far from sight.

Unknown is a tale of what soon may come,
the mind is now plauged with the foul stench of mystery,
followed by a strain of forgotten misery,
held by a lord forgotten in death.

Fuel so vile it spews from inside,
twisting and plucking the hairs from all sides,
stare at your swear lay now cold on the floor,
screaming pulse burning words of -fake- "No More".

Is this me...is this you, something rotten is for sale,
a life of betrayal, giving up without a fight.
No one wants to be free, they can't handle the absolute,
but everyone wants the truth...

Spit on my face!

I can handle the disgrace,
I deserve the disgrace,
for the worlds money, the fame, the shame, and the wealth,
I'm the one smart enough to turn against myself.

2004-02-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
wOw.. found out sumthin from xinyu n boy was i damn fuckin laughin lik fuck man... damn. "justice" has been serve. noe tt hueva dates her wun las long wit her niwae.. oh. n tts e lames thingy i hearf from a guy... "heart attack" wahahahhaa
niwae... kinda changed ma nw hairstyle 2dae cuz im kinda sick of e old one.. de juzchange 2 try it out... in e beginnin i got quite alota lik negativ comments.. although sum sae nice.. but wat surprised me greatly is tt e bf actali sae its nice.. i sumhow tot he wil ask me y i change -which actuali he did- n den tel me tt i lk beta it e old one -which he did not-, juz asked me 2 tie e same hairsye tml.. so ya.. hehe ain, im e new "minah" of e sch... keke..
oh n hmm....chemistry was quite funny 2dae wen mdm rekha asked us to nae sum fast n slow speed of reactions.. so cas was lik usin almos everythin 2 do wit bio.. pollination, digestion n al.. den um xtras go n sae ejaculation, fertilisation, excretion n al.. so lik everyone was kinda lik laughin at how things turn out 2 b.. from chemistry til biology n al.. but den hor.. lois n rekha kinda had an "indirect arguement" wich ended up quite fiercely....
den we hd history remedial. cynthia as bitchin bout e teacheras usual.. n ya.. she reli is a bitch in a way or 2...
wen e lesson finali ended.. go n meet e bf.. tok.laugh.quarrel.settle things. tok.laugh. ok fine... we r alwaz lik dis... so much tt e xinchi lwaz sae "lene ah. u 2 can go publish comic book oreadi" den we wil juz laugh along den ossip gain..niwae.. as i had kinda new "hairstyle" dae.. xinyu n i was crazily usin sum phones 2 take pictures o ourself.. took damn lotsa pictures. we r so thic-skinned i noe. butwe lov it. o let us juz b hapi n take al e picture we wana ya? =)

2004-02-22T19:23:00.000+08:00

As I walk by you're forced to embrace
the mischevious smile which lies on my face
a quick second glance, as you roll your eyes
the things I've "done now" will be no big surprise.

You've repeated the rumors, believed all of the lies
Heard all of the stories, seen all of the guys
Yet never bothered to ask me if anything was true
And so I'm left in the middle, not sure what to do.

Those I thought to be friends have again proved me wrong-
These bonds that have broken were the ones I thought strong
So again, turn your head to tell someone new
About all of the bad things that you heard I do.

"That girl is pathetic." "That girl is just dumb."
And to your rude comments I quickly succumb
I'm so sick of the tears and all of the games
All I want is a life that's not filled with shame.

I hold my head high, but quickly it falls
Left alone, wondering if it's worth it at all
But each time I find strength and I keep walking by,
I hold up my head while inside I cry.

Today is a new day, and rumours will spread
But I'll try not to worry, it won't get me ahead
I'll let others think the things that they see
Because as long as I know the truth, you won't ruin me.

2004-02-22T19:02:00.000+08:00

control.control.control.
grrrrrr wats wrong wit me dese days. i juz cant control ma temper... i keep on flarin at everythin ard me... e mum. e sis. e bf. e frenz. e comp. GRRR. i juz cant help it.
every lil thin triggers e anger in me. b it a big terrble tingy or a small silly mistake.i juz keep flarin up.
wat wrong wit maself sia. i juz keep flarin n flarin n flarin. fuck it man. n sum ppl r so ignorant tt instead of bein sensible n try 2 at leas un-annoyed me... they make me fel worst...
damn. arent dere niwae 2 stop dis anger.i cant cut maself-i dun wan 2 niwae-.i cant bite no one.ma fav food dun calm ma nerves.damn. cum 2 tink bout it. i tink i reli need2 bite on sum1 2 vent ma anger. yea. i m sadistic. it pleases me 2 c e person im bitin in pain, it delights me 2 c e person beggin me 2 stop n it soothes ma nerves wen i c e damage i left behind.damn. ~~if onli shad allows me 2 bite him~~
AHHHHHHH. damn. how m i goin 2 stop maself4 feelin dis way. i rather b cryin den b angry. DAMN. great. i M cryin now cu sum1 pisses me off sooo much tt i can help but cry cuz dere is no way i can xpess ma anger nimor. damnit.im goin crazy now.

2004-02-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

oh man. wats wrong wit me 4 dis pas days... im in lik sucha BAD mood tt i cant stop flarin ma temper at ppl ard me...damn.
guez im juz tired? i was lik from e moment i step in2 bus i slept tl custom.. den wen i got down i shouted at one of e lower sec boys in e bus 4blockin ma way. n i reli mean shout at em tt xinyu smsed me n ask me y dese day i lk so irrtated n al.. im so sori ya?but i reli cant help it.. even i duno y..niwae... after custom got up e bus.. slp al e way 2 sch gain..
den meet nina dear n faezah e boss n we went up 4 e committee trainin.. den after tt mrs singh went in.. spent 1/2hr tokin 2 u bout her life-stroy.. quite cute ah she.. i alwaz fel tt shes beta den mrs tan though.. niwae.... yea after tt.. went wit sista sara 2 canteen.. den se wait 4 her frez while i wait 4 had. oh btw. thanx sis 4 not mindin me sittin wit u guys n al =).
den hmm.. bf woke up late.... ma tingy ended a 9.. he lik 10 sumthin den reach... so ya.. if sis n gang didnt alow me 2 b wit em den.. wow.. i reli wld hav been bored 2 death.. niwae. he finali cum.. spentsum tim chattinw itu.. den he wentup 4 advertsemen thingy.. den while waitin 4 him.. i kinda french manicured ma fingernails wt black marker ink.. i hafta sae i find it quite unique =P niwae.
hmmm den shad n i finai left sch... tok tok tok til we kinda quarreled.. den after mama called, den we patch things up.. hehe.. den we wen lib....he read his fav guitar bk while i juz grab any nk i saw 2 cover ma face while i slp. i wan go 4th lvl 2 take sum nice tory bks but he didn wana go up.. so i cldnt read =( niwae. after tt we saw sum bks we tok bout meanin of names.. saw our name in differen bks n made fun of each other.. keke.. den we left den whil walkin.. he start teasin me thus i trid 2 kill him..hehe. he so cute.... e way he react... hehe. den ah go custom.. tok tok... den he use his hads 2 play wit ma face gain.. ~~pls dun touch ma nose nimor.. keke~~ oh niwae.. dis kinda reminds mett i wanted 2 apologise 2 e bf..he was bein damn tolerant 2dae esp wit e mood i m in so ya..sori bf =)
~~den hmm.. shad if u r readin dis u beta reply ma sms or at leas reply e qns tt syu ask.. u so rude noe. made me lik tok 2 e wal.. n u noe i hate tt...grrr...~~

2004-02-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

hmmm. feelin very happy now. But yet at e same tim feelin quite short-tempered...Maybe its juz cuz im tired... i wasnt lidat wen i woke up.. but it became short tempered after wakin up from ma slp in bus..
niwae. lets tok bout 2dae 1st... cuz i love e endin... hehe...niwae niwae... hmm after custom.. i realize i was in a bad mood cuz i got irritated easily... almos flare up on Lisa wen she "shouted" at me cuz she heard things wrongly.. but i manage 2 hold it back.. den wen reach sch.. i was quite calm.... den watch e advertisement. it was orite... but after tt... ah... was walkin up e stairs wit Lois n was tellin her how much i wish 4/5 was e one hu wil b doin e "vent e anger" thingy den 4/4 so tt i can sumhow"revenge" on sum particular ppl hu made ma life miserable wen i was in sec 2...niwae. sumhow.. kaili heard it... n she kinda showed sum atti pro upon tt... she asked hu i was tokin bout n i told her... n as it was e same grp of ppl hu she befriended yet i hated til no words can describe hatred i had 2wards em.niwae yea.. so she asked e reason n i told her.. n she gav me e lk which sumhow triggered e short-temperedness i had in me... n i sumhow flared up n we quarreled... so ya...
den durin eng lesson.. mrs thong was lik askin e claz 2 pick up totali smal lil litters.. well at first it was orite.. everyone was pickin it.. den after tt she asked us 2 pick even smaller litters... den bein in bad moo tt i was in n i blurted out quite loudly 2 nana bout y cant she juz ask e duty ppl 2 sweep e floor instead. n i noe it was quite rue n loud esp wen im sittin rite in front of e teachers table. kinda regret sayin it after tt but i juz cant help it.
den nothin reli interestin happen after tt. had e usual borin chi remedial wit2 test in a row plus an additional test after tt.. 1/2 copied4 e 1st one.. e 2nd one which is al bout compo... i duno how but 1/2 way though i juz fell asleep... chanel woke me up wen she saw ma hand didnt move 4 a long tim..so y niwae. i skip e nex test.
den went 2 meet weeying hu obviously "pangseh" me gain... so niwae... 4 once i got angry wit her.. n i mean reli 4 once.. niwae... met sonia 4 a while den ain n nora.... got a very nice pic -wel at least 2 me its very nice- developed.. tink gona ask lois 2 help me scan.. 2 me its reli pretty=)
oh n den..N DEN hehehhe... me went back sch.. but while on e way. shad oreadi reached!! i felt so bad.. im so suppose 2 wait 4him in sch.. ended up waitin 4 him outside his hse.. n he scared me but suddenly tappin very quick n sudden on me-or izit jumpin on me?- luckily i didnt reli shriek very loudly. .. keke... niwae niwae... waited 4 him bathe den gave him e 10 pages long 4 leta writen over e pas few days.. hehe.. oh n den den... he gav me a shirt.. it was lik extremely sweet of him.. Especially wen tt was lik soooo e las thin i xpect he wld get 4 me while in obs...actuali i didnt even lik hav a tot he wld buy me sumthin so ya.. very sweet of him.. thanx so much baby =)
after tt he sent me hom.. which i reli appreciate it esp wen its obvious tt hes tired n hungry n al...hatiku cair ah... haha..welz waitin 4 him 2 cum online now.. so in e mean time lets tok bout e pas few days *winks*
MONDAY 16th feb
shad went ob.. fel so loney w/o him.. hehe im too stuck 2 him.. hmm notin much reli happen tt day if im not wrong.. yadun tink nithin interestin happend.
TUESDAY 17th feb
ma bes memory 4 tt day is tt SHAD CALLED. hehe was sooo hpi... was lik so concertratiin on printin e thingy 4 e advertisemen e nex day tt even though i longed 4 him 2 cal... n i was soo surpried wen he called!! i was lik "hello, hello" n wen he said e 1st word i was lik "omg!! its shad!!! ah dui hatiku cair at e very moment hehe.. haha cun slp tt nite sia.. niwae.. ya t was e exact day tt i was lik steppin outa ma remedial lesson tinkin of shad n al wen it suddenly struck me tt hes in obs... so i was lik.. "haiz.. 3 mor day" den i went 2 find lisa 2 acmpy me.. den reach custom oreadi.. saw a newlyformd couple.. was lik kinda envious tt thy hv each toher while mine is in obs....
WEDNESDAY 18th feb
claz advertisement made me so embarrassed tt i was lik almos tellin everyone i wanted 2 chnge sch... keke..ok erm nothin interestin happened after tt xcept tt after maths remdial nina n i wet 2 kfc 2 eat.. had fun chattin wit her.. den we went in2 metr 2play wit eprefumes.. n went 2 body shop 2 mess ard e thingys too =) . after tt, meetxuenie.. n once gain.. wet in metro n al n played... den e bought smthin 2 eat b4 leavin 4 home. den kinda waited til 11pm 4 e bf 2 cal , although he didnt in e end.. btuit as understnable..
THURSDAY 19th feb
duno y.. i kinda went through a lil bitty of emotional breakdown.. lik i becam paranoid n al.. was lik juz letti imaginations run wild..stupid me =)oh. if i not wrong. e claz kinda made chi teacher cry.. den duno y ah..but wen i turn ard n c her cry.. reli lik fel so bad n kinda fel sum pain in e hesrt. niwae after e eng test.. me n dina went2 cwp 2 eat n gossip.. noe her since ls yr in chi claz but 1st tim wen out wit her. shes a fun person 2b wit=).after eatin went a bit owindow shop n we played wit barney esp in kiddy palace. it was so funny we cun stop laghin.. reli fun 2 b wit=) so ya.. went home wit weeying buyin quite an amt of fd too =)

so ya.. kinda lik summarise e whole wk thigny oreadi.. very very long i noe.. cun help it =) wana sae thax 2 nrmh 4 helpin me 2upload a new pic n oo loi 4 helpin me 2 scan...
oh btw.. im proud2sae tt im proud of ma man. guez i was rite2 blif in ma man after all.. soo proud of him, ya baby? keke.. i was rite 2 blif u wil chnge n u did!!yeahness!!i wil tok mor bout it tml.. keke

2004-02-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

i do so not noe wat 2 tink or feel now.

2004-02-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

hmmm. at a totali choco day it was 2dae.niwae hapi v.day 2 ppl out dere...
wen 2 sch alone cuz shad was so tired he overslept.... so ya.. he wanted2 ftch me in custom but he cldnt wake up in tim.. so i went 2 his hse.. but he was stil slpin.. so i endup walkin 2 sch carryin a big plastic bag. but he was 4given cuz i noe how tired he was yestrdae...
niwae. 4 e 1st tim.. bio remedal hadfull attendace.s umor on v.day.. derefre elaine chua was kinda hapi...niwae... after remedal.. went 2 canteen 2 lk 4 shad. den we left sch.. gotchanged n wen 2 cavana 2 eat cuz i was sooo hungry.. i even help him kinda fniish his las few spoon of rice.... 1st tim though.. as i often fel quite full 2wards e en of e meaL... after tt went 2 watch movie... den shdcousin went 2 watch e same movie too... same tim sumor.. was lik ahdui~ not fun oreadi.. but luckily aftere movie didntwent on double-date ori wld b so disappointed.
niwae. after tt we went 2 shads hse... opened up each other prezie.. n i hafta sae i lov e choco he gav.. they r all so nice! but i no heart 2 eat em al.. onli eat few tt shad asked me 2... den he openedeup mine.. n fnished strwberry choco n brownies... n.. luckily.. he liked e brownies!! ~~melody.. u gona get 2 taste mor of e brownies cz shad lik em n thus i gona make it sum other tim gain.. keke~~
friay was quite a sweet day..even though sum idiot in e custom was bein nasty..but da gerfrenz i had was sweet...niwae... huipeng n i kinda "humoured" ourselves wit e remarks we made durin e presentation in e hall.. niwae.. had e checkup.. nurse said ma eyesight was purfect. ladidadida~ niwae. i hafta wait 4 everyone so as 2 hepl carry bac e health booklets.. derefore ain, nina, lulu,nora, lois n i were lik sittin outsdee ifl rang n tokin bout e supernatural... it was interestin.. wit a few gooosebumps raising occasionaly...den after t we had physics... as usual we spent half e tim tokin bout things tt were unrelated 2 physics n it was fun eh ... niwae.. im suppose 2 do sum changes 2 da blog so ya. im off. tata~

2004-02-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

ma new blog song... *winks*

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Chorus:
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

ooh
Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby (help me baby)
Help me baby (help me now)

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Flowing into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind
oooh

Chorus:
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

I'm going crazy in love for you baby
(I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
Yeah, no one can rescue me
(No one can rescue me)
ooh ooooh

Oooh, my baby
Oooh, baby, baby, baby

Chorus:
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you (too lost in you)
oooh

I'm lost in you
I'm lost in you
I'm lost in everything about you
So deep (so deep), I can't sleep (no,no,no)
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

2004-02-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
ey ey.. long tim since i updated yea.. first n foremost i wan apologise i dis entry mite b havin tonsa typo errros cuz dis new comp issoo difficult 2 type tt im so fed up..
niwae..i wana sae tt sum ppl is so stupid she did e biggest mistake eva. now tt e wholegang hate her mor den they oreadi did b4.. im sori but i hav no choice 2 sae tt u as 4 it.. i didnt frce u do wat u dd las nite. but mayb ur urge of showin how mighty strong ur lousy, msian-educated, bengsh guy hu so happen b in e army by threatenin me n how "powerful" u r now.. im sori...but i juz destroyed ur dream of becmin e nx big thin of dis bus.. u wil neva b oneof us as u didnt even earn our respect 4 u... i wun sae no names as u noe hu u r n wat u did..juz wana thank ma man 4 bein by ma side n showin his care n concern n so much mor... im so touch. reli....
niwae. nothin much reli happen dis day... juz e normal life.. wit remedials everyday...bombarded wit chi tests... den not havin e chance 2 eat decent food... n e noisy trip home which i neva gt sick of it.. but mos importantly is stil e lil tim tt me n him spent now.. e lil tim we had tt i cum 2 appreciate sooo much mor tt it juz didt seem enuf...
i wana buy tt cd... i lov e voice man, its so.. aww..~oOolala~ keke.. kkz im off den. ttata~

2004-01-30T20:49:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
2dae was quite fun..excludin bio though... bio has neva been a nice lesson 2 begin wit.. niwae... eng was orite as usual... pe... hmmm didnt do pe but cuz of tt i manage 2 flip through n get a rough idea hus participatin n stuffs... heh heh... realize our clz alota ppl join.. haha... one of e mos i guez... keke... free period 4 chem.. which we practicali was juz walkn about n playin n al... physics as usual was damn funny... very relaxin... xcept 4 doin e wkbk... after sch got chi tests.. 1st test didnt hav enuf tim 2 copy... so lik almos 1/2 blank... den e compo one... outta 90mins i spent about 20mins slpin den finished up everythin.. havin a spare tim of about 15mins... was lucky 2 leav early...
niwae... tt bugger thomas from 4/7 got caned in e claz 2dae... damn i do so wana b in tt claz 4 once juz 2 c tt fucker kena cane... he quite darin ah... actuali hav e balls 2 did wat he did 2 mrs tan... crazy sia... niwae after tt went out wit shad... 2 find faizal get back his phone.. neva did get it back in e end but kinda hav quite alota fun by sharin lame jokes wit each other den play games of findin stuffs.. hehe... supposed 2 meet xinyu 2 go c doc.. but i suddenly didnt fel lik goin 2 c doc.... so erm.. sori xinyu.. =p...
hmm tml got bio... zZz.. sianz ah... i lazy 2 go.. so tired.... haiz.. i do so wana go watch chingay!! if not cuz e granny is ard.. i noe i can persuade em 2 let me go... but she is... n she is goin back on sunday.. so haiz~ no chance le.. =(..im off den.. tata~

2004-01-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

oh dear. remedials, remedials n remedials... it occupies lik 1/2 ma free tim afta sch i hafta do hmwk @ home which means i can hardly update dis.. but luckily tml no hmwk 2 hand in.. derefore im updatin dis thingy...
hmm pas few days been lik totali late 4 sch.. stil remember on mon wen i arrive ard 8plus... puki tee called me rude juz cuz i put ma bag b4 greetin her... den she start pickin on me 4 not takin e late-comers form.. wats worst was tt kaili stil go n add those unnecessary stuffs.. damn. i was so damn pissed off.. fancy gettin nagged @ n scolded 1st thin in e mornin... damn.it spoilt ma mood 4 e whole day cuz i didnt noe where n hu 2 vent ma anger on... but luckily after sch.. i finali did manage 2 vent it by bitin on shads hand... he was kind enuf 2 let me do it.. n i tink it hurts.. hehe...
tuesday wasnt tt late.. bout 0750 to 0815...kinda los count of tim... niwae... dis tim round it was mrs jalil n she was so polite n nice n al... she didnt reprimand or nithin... juz touch ma shoulder n asked me 2 quickly catch up wit e work... so understandin... she shld hav been our form teacher den puki tee... i bet e claz wld hav preferred it much much mor niwae. hmmden after sch.. got physics... was fun... den after tt got chi re-test... hehe... score quite wel dis tim round..if not wrong is 73/76...
yesterday f&n, i cooked e chicken pie n it was soooo yuuummmmy but shad duno how 2 appreciate it cuz it wasnt spicy... cough oreadi stil eat spicy stuffs n al.. makin it worst... haiz... niwae... after tt had another chi re-test.. 4got how much i scored but i noe its pretty wel... outa 50-80 qns, less den 5 wrong? niwae after tt got maths remedial.. very fun... n at las i manage 2 get e guys 2 run... hehe force longyun 2 run 800m,1500m n 3000m... forge his signature.. n ta-dah... keke...
2dae.. eng 4 once is fun... hehe long yun n mrs thong lik so fated 2 b against each other... alwaz pickin on one another.. lik wen longyun speak chi he kena "made fun" of by thong of y he mite not score wel 4 oral... den longyun kinda purposely made e damn shock expression wen he heard she got an A 4 her chi... den while we were practisin our conversation thingy.. @ 1st i was supposed 2 b wit mrs thong cuz i was w/o a parthner... but kaili n i saboh-ed him... he ended up pairin up wit her.. n oso ended up goin 2 c her every recess 2 practice e conv... although he did frame kaili junyoung chongwei n zhenghang.. but stil in 2 e end.. he kena beaten up by em... poor thing eh.. haha...oOo btw.. heard tt e 4/7 thomas kinda got suspended by principal.. perhaps cuz of his fucked up atti bah... actuali hes quite clever accordin 2 shad... but hes relik too fucked up... duno how 2 describe but yea...hmm... tts al den.. mite hav bored sum of u i noe... hafta go now so yea.. tata~

2004-01-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

why do i feel like i constantly need to feel sad. I know that sounds really dumb, but sometimes its true. and i Hate it, because its like something is inside of me stabbing my heart, making me feel this sadness and pain. but i have no reason to feel that way. i have so much more than i deserve. and i feel selfish and shallow for feeling the way i do, i shouldnt feel like this. but yet every minute of everyday all i can think about is death. My death... and why i want to die so bad. thats what i cant figure out. WHY do i want to die. and i have answers but they just dont satisfy what i want to know. I cant even explain it. I probably sound insane. Which i could very well be.

I hate it how no one cares. you sit there and try 2 explain how you feel and all they say is "yea i understand" and all i want to do is scream " NO YOU DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND" no one could possibly begin to understand. and i know they are trying to help, and all i do is make things worse for everyone. but im always the one to lend a shoulder to cry on, or give advice, whenever someone needs me *snaps* im there. and i cant do that anymore. i CANT. its breaking me to a point where i have everyones burrdens on me, everything is always MY fault.

2004-01-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

Open eyes
lead by blind lies
and I still find myself missing you.
The hustling bustle of the rustling
leaves
leaves my broken heart to wollow in woe
full of my never-ending...
you guessed it. sorrow.
It feels like I'm dying,
I feel like I can hear
your heartbeat corresponding with
my own
which lies here disembolished
and outwitted by your
classy stride.
Where did I go wrong?
A sudden onset of outpouring words
followed by empty definitions
and skimmed over by careless, sleepy, sleep-less eyes.
I want you to be here, hear my silent plea.
I never wanted it to be this way,
but it feels like you gave up on me
long before I could ever think to give up
on you.
My tears tear me into two
leaving behind shreds of our once
prominent feeling of the forbidden word
dare not spoken.
This rhetoric is getting stale,
I just wanted to tell you
that we are
the biggest and best mistake of my life. forever in your beloved hands.

2004-01-24T22:43:00.000+08:00

tell me why it hurts. tell me why it is like how it is. tell me the reasons, the wants, the meanings. tell me the why's, because i forgot the what's and the how's. i lost the guidance and the want, the passion has turned into mild submission and absolute apathy. apathy without the will of it. i've turned into a non-caring soul, against the will of my mind. how is that possible? how is it possible anything? how is it possible that i want still get out of all of this all the time? how is it that near a year has passed and i feel no different than i was before? how was i so passionate? how? why? tell me, tell me.

tell me why you hurt and how you want to run away. run away with me, we'll leave forever. tell no one, no one needs to know. no one needs to know how we hurt, we will hurt together. everyone hurts together. everyone hurts. i don't understand the pain of everything. help, please. run away. we'll gather all our personal relics and the possessions that hold a supposed meaning. and in the night, we will creep away slowly, far before the dawn, before the early waker wakes and after the late sleeper sleeps. we will run away together. just you and i, pacing the backgrounds and backdrops to nowhere. it feels better that way, it feels better this way. it feels better when you don't know what i say except that i whisper it sweetly, oh, that i can control the pain and the love and the in-betweens and still not know how to control myself.

oh! tell me of the better days, tell me of when it was good. make it good again. we will never see this place again. run away with me! dance in the night and do away with the inhibitions that our self-conscious ties us down with. do away with the arrogance, do away with the reasons. talk slowly, talk softly, talk with beautiful voices, mellifluous enough for the moment. hold this in forever, let it go right now. the contrast, the con, the cunning, the play-on-words, the pun, the perfection. no meanings that anyone can complain, not a reason for what i say except that it sounds good, it feels good, it makes enough sense for the moment. the moment of the meantime, the moment that we get away from it all. the moment that you look up and see only stars and wonder, you wonder why man finds himself such a big fucking deal.

run away and tell me your secrets, i tell you mine. it's the silences. again, again, again i tell you, it's the silences that differs this moment from the rest of them. run away with me! it's not the passion, it's the saturation, the satiated chill, the brisk air, the spaces. the spaces, the environment, the impalpable but internally heavy.

run away with me and make it better.

2004-01-21T14:23:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
hehe 2dae was fun ah.. though i went 2 sch wit a damn dark face wit a blister on ma feet... den after tt.. sum1 did sumthin tt made me angry.. so yea.. e mood was ruin...til...
we were @ e gallery..n 4/10 rawks sia!! haha.. 4 once they r finali mor enthusiastic.... hehe... dragon dance was ok-pretty-borin actuali.. i ended up readi a bk-... chi dance gt one ger very cute.. e 1st one 2 cum out tt one?.. duno leiz... she lk lik ma ger but i dun tink is her... stil very cute though... den e dance by non-chi... it was ok ah.. hehe e boys in e claz was "dancin" along 2 e outkast song.. wrigglin their fingers n al... funny sia... den 4 once our claz won sumthin.... n i tink e ppl purposely one ah.. i from upstairs run down liao den they go n put on e video... den after tt they 4got me.. bastard sia... niwae.. it was sweets n chocos... -e damn cheap kinda-... den e guys stupid ah.. go n giv 4/9... n throw sum of em at us... naturally we throw back @ em... heard one kena hilmy's eye... hehe.. iden cum e part where teachers sing.. kaili n i acted lik sum crazt gers singin aloud onli 2 e chorus n clappin out hands... n let me comment one thing... mrs thong's daughter is soooo CUUUTE... esp e las song went she kinda "dancin"... it was soooo CUUUUUUTE... keke...
after tt went out wit ma sistas n gang... fun sia... til we went 2 e mrt station.. den sumthin happened 2 one of e ppl in e gang.. i wun sae no names... but hmm tt man was lik so damn fucked up.. unreasonable... uncle oreadi stil so petty..... cb kia...
niwae after tt we went 2 cwp cuz weeying wanted 2 pierce her ear.. wait 4 her lik duno wat sia.. den after tt we went kfc go 2 hav e family feas set.. n tadah... @ home now... ma feet tired sia... luckily dun hafta walk nimor...
hmm yesterday.. got e yrbk... i got alota comments but sum r damn sarcastic so i rather keep it among e sistas... btw. e principal lk lik a male monkey, not tt i cn differentiate a male or a female monkey.. but its juz tt she lk lik a man n a monkey at e same tim... so yea.. *shrugs*
den nothin pretty much happened juz tt im quite pissed of wit sum ppl but i dun tink they noe it cuz i hardly tok 2 em 2dae.. so yea....
p.s... although i lov ma current bag i stil wan a new one... cuz dis bag is pretty but not nice 2 use.. haiz~
p.p.s.s... i wan a plain bright coloured plaster wun sum1 buy one 4 ma blister... =(.. keke..
tts al den tata~

2004-01-12T19:24:00.000+08:00

r u goin 2 run?
run ur whole life,
from e pain tt waits inside?
or r u goin 2 confront it...

r u goin 2 smile
smile everyday?
while ur heart is cryin in every single way?
or r u goin 2 come clean...

no.
ur not purfect.
ur onli human.
no mata how hard it seems...
u dun hav super powers.
u cant faki it 4eva.
ur not purfect,
so juz get ur act 2gether..

izit hard,
2 try sumtimz?
2 yel sumtimz?
2 fite sumtimz?

young ger pls understan,
tt ur mask is crackin wit e hands of time.
tt ur mor den purfect existence is shatterin.
young ger pls understan,
tt its al fine 2 b urself.
tt it aint wrong 2 show how u fel...

cuz ur not purfect.
ur no angel.
ur mortal.
juz lik e res of us...
ur not 2 barbie.
n ur not unbreakable.
so get it through.
tt we r al human too.
we r al fragile too.
we r al impurfect juz lik u...

2004-01-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~ ma long los cousin is finali online... i miss her sooo much... its been lik almos a yr since we had tok 2 each other... due 2 internal conflicts between e family... but nonetheless... we r stil as close as b4... yea? hehe... fels so gd 2 tok 2 her gain... stil remember wen i was young.. alwaz go her hse overnight... den we al go playin n stuffs... den hongwei -her bro- was kinda xtra... cuz he was e onli guy among us.. but we stil had lotsa fun.. lotsa hangin outs n stuffs.. damn. i miss those times.heh.
niwae.. was cleanin up sum stuffs of ma room cuz mama tink its kinda abit messy.. so yea.. was cleanin up den i realise... i got quite alota lime-green stuffys...its kinda unxpected cuz im not reli tt in2 green esp wen ma parents r obsessed wit it n im kinda sick of it... but on 2nd tots... i tink it can b xcused cuz lime green aint reli tt kinda green ltt ma parents lik... its mor aliv n stuffs... so i've got a lime green bag, a lime green stick thingy 4 e hair which i duno wat 2 cal, a lime green necklace, lime green hp cover n stuffs... *shrugs shrugs*
hmm wat 2 sae bout lessons 2dae.... bio was borin...duh~... s.s was stressful.. cme was abit nonsensical... but maths was kinda fun ah... didnt do hmwk cuz e bk was wit weeying so ended up standin @ e back n copied e wrong thingy.. den after one period.. she brought us down 2 e hall 2 "play"... ' 1st was happily in an all-gers grp of five.. wen she asked 2 mix ard.. so kaili n i were a lil too late.. n we ended up wit shuhui eric... and... zhenghang!! ahdui... can cry sia.. it was soo pathetic... n e stupid clasmates onli laugh.. *grumbles*.. niwae e grp was kinda mean 2 him.. hehe.. lik avoid him lik he got disease... hehe... but reli cant help it ah.. even weeying c oreadi oso got a shock.... den chem was pretty tough... chi was copyin e test as usual...haiya. e previous test 2 mor marks den can no need 2 retest liao... heart pain sia... den after t went home lo.. since i got no activities n i 4got 2 bring ma ezlink card... hehe quite alota fun in e bus.. n pie.. if u r readin dis... WHERES MA APPLE CRUMBLE
ahdui... hafta cont doin s.s le... tata~

2004-01-11T19:54:00.000+08:00

hmmm didnt touched e comp 4 lik one wk if i aint wrong?
hmm nothin much happened juz tt our places got rearranged... i sit wit nana... n i hafta sae i looove e ppl bhind me.. cuz they r fun 2 tok 2 ya... n im near nina.. so ya... hehe chongwei sit wit zheng hang hehe.... so destined 2 b wit him hehe... maths lab, register no, bio lab, classroom... all wit zhenghang.. not bad eh... haha
oh n i got a "daughter" shes from sec1e.. name dina... n shes sooooo cute.. thanx 2 e chi cher hu didnt cum tt day tt i got her. hehe... n can sae cuz of it.. now got a huge big family trees... got ma husband... -which obviously every1 noes hu... ~- ma siaolaogong ma pie n gang.. ma bunch of sistas... ma ahpa n siaolaogong's pa... ma nephew n his gay wife... e electrician n etc.... i noe it sound lame ah.... but i dun care.. i m happy n tts al tt matas..
had e 2nd chi tes... no its not reli 2nd.. its 3 mor tes of chi on fri.. e las one was totali copied... even tian xiang copied.... so yea.. tml got another chi test... stil studyin 4 it.... niwae got a minor extensions.. which isnt reli obvious... den kinda straightened e hair abit 4 cca open hse... so yea..
yesterdae was cca open hse... haiz.. e gers r sooo not enthusiastic... luckily sonia was dere... or i wil b soooo bored... haiya... end up decoratin e booth maself.. which in e end got al screwed up cuz e wind was blowin hard... so hard tt e whiteboard fal flat n cause 3 flower pots 2 fal down... used ma famous big orange hat -okok onli famous among e senior modern dancers- as a basket 4 e sweets cuz we cant find nithin else 2 put em... den plaed ard wit one of e costume... throwin @ everyone in modern dance... luckily rekha wasnt dere or we wld hav been scolded.. den after tt.. find shad lik duno wat.. cuz his towel was wit me... so went i finali found him... we end up eatin lunch 2gether...den we saw lisa.. asked her 2 joined us too... den was playin ard wit e orange hat gain.. say i lk lik kenny cuz it was e same colour n it was big.. so yea...
after tt went 2 meet parents... haiz... they reli lov 2 go out sia... i was lik 1/2 dead tt tim... ma legs was achin n ma eyes were closin... n they wanted 2 eat... haiz... was lik practicali dozin off @ e table.. den got so fed up i threw tantrums @ em.. onli mummy was bein harsh.. daddy was much beta.. @ les he tok in a nicer tone... niwae... was so tired tt im stil tired now... m i makin any sense here? *shrugs*... im off den... tata~

2004-01-02T18:45:00.000+08:00

oh.. 2dae is e 1st day of sch.. n fancy 4/10 got scolded den... wel we cant help it wen our physics teacher hav finali changed.... ritey? we even got mrs liao as our maths teacher and rekha as our chem cher.... o lvls got hope oreadi haha...
hmmm he toked 2 me n kinda acmpy ard e whole day 2dae...? lik durin recess... went 2 tok 2 me n stuffs.... but i duno... kinda fel weird? n i was lik so called bein cold? wel didnt tok 2 him as much as b4 tt kinda.... its lik las yr.. im alwaz e one hu do al e tokin.. dis yr lik vice versa....*shrugs* niwae he is actuali a clas secretary now... hahaha cant imagine.. sumor volunteer himself tt kinda.... aiya i reli duno ah... i guez i juz need mor tim? not as hard hearted as i wanted 2 b.. sucha loser.. *shrugs shrugs*...
hmmm niwae... back 2 sch... AHHH... puki tee stil our form teacher.. n imagine dis.. 1st day of sch oreadi start lesson.. lulu n i were sooo bored we were passin lame notes 2 each other... n i mean reli lame notes tt it makes no sense 2 even read in e 1st place.... hmm den e whole lesson i lkin outa e window n its sooooo eeew~ everyone tt pass by... none was interestin 2 lk @...hahaha.. end up chewin gum... den rekha lesson.. didnt do any study... juz plain tokin.. n y muz she mention me!! it was so malu!! sae i tok so much.. bet i m not quiet in class...*grumbles*.. but tt one stil ok... til she tok bout us can goin 2 find her if we got problems... lik social or bgr... den she said "hmm dere is one couple in dis clas rite? r dere nimor... now no mor oreadi ya? e other parthner not here nimor..." or sumthin lidat de.. but once gain.. mention one is me... aiyo it was so embarrasin i duno how 2 react... but luckily she oso noe other ppl in e class... so she aint gona focus tt much...
after sch went 2 find her n hav a tok... hmm shes pregnant now... its so sweet... gona b her 2nd child... but duno is boy or ger... she oso reveal tt dere r mani mor pregnant teachers ard.... 4got 2 ask hu though.... hehe... den we tok bout other stuffs...tok tok.. den i go meet ma godsis they al... den shad acmpy us 4 awhile b4 goin 2 malay dance...
wee ying, amanda, qiuxia n me went 2 take neoprint... its quite nice ah... den we went shoppin abit b4 headin 2 msia...go back msia... stil go shoppin @ city square... wana redecorate ma hand... but tt person not dere... so sad sia... but we went 2 other places askin bout other thingys lik hair n facial n stuffs.. mayb i wil b havin another hairstyle by nex saturday? *shrugs shrugs*
hmm tts al bah.. i hafta go study 4 ma chi test... tata~

2003-12-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hole In The Head Lyrics

Seven hours since you went away
Eleven coffees, Rickki Lake on play
But late at night when I'm feeling blue
I'd sell my ass before I think of you

Seven hours since you closed the door
Started a diet, got a manicure
Erased your number from my telephone
And if you call me I won't be at home

[He said:]
Bridge
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
Runaway
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
I said ok, 'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy

Eleven hours on a brand new day
I'm getting ready to go out and play
It's late at night, I'm caught in a groove
I'd kiss my ass before I'm feeling blue

Seven hours, what you calling for?
A bunch of flowers and I slam the door
You're in my face, sorry what's your name?
Takes more than begging to reverse my brain
'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy

I'm through with it
Over it
Not having it
Crazy sh*t
Not feeling this
Can't deal, I quit
No more, No more
I'm through with it
Not having it
This crazy sh*t
Not feeling it
Can't deal with it
No more, I quit
No more, no more

Breaking off the ...
A brand new day has just begun
Just because you made me go "ooh"
Doesn't mean I'll put up with you
Don't you dare come back
Can't u see I wont take that?
I ain't crying over you
Better fill your head up like I told you

[Bridge]
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
Runaway
Why don't you cry
For the day
Say goodbye
I said ok, 'cos...

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy,
And it's cool boy
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy,
Such a fool boy (such a fool)

[Chorus]
Ooh, won't you miss me like a hole in the head
Because I do boy (I do)
And it's cool boy (yeah it's cool)
And ooh, bet you never thought I'd get out of bed
Because of you boy, (I do boy)
Such a fool boy (such a fool)

2003-12-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

2dae is e las day of 2003... its fels so fast 2 me.. lik suddenly.. *poof* its gona b another yr... so many thins happened dis yr huh...*smilez weakly*
hmmm... finali got a pic tt i wanted... it was meant 4 ma blog @ 1st... now... i tink its useless...but stil i dun wana it 2 go wasted so here it is.. it aint tt clear though...

i reli duno wat 2 sae now.. but hmm juz now dinner was funny.. both b4 n after... duno how 2 put it down in words so i wun tok bout it..
niwae.. tokin 2 ma old fren juz now.... sae i lk lik 17... *grumbles* do i reli lk sooo old?.. but nvm.. i shal take tt as a compliment.. haha
ok den i wil update lata on tata~

2003-12-30T15:29:00.000+08:00

hmmm went 2 sent em off juz now.. joolin cried... it reli is sucky 2 sae gdbye ah.. cuz its lik we hav so much fun 2gether... niwae... took picture wit em n e other 2 cousin.. ehe funny sia.. cant wait 2 c e pics...nut stil yea... hafta wait another yr b4 i can c em gain....
hmm i tink sumthin wrong wit al e pics.. fuck it.. gona do sum changes bah.... i need sum mor books.. stil lackin wat .. oh eng,cme,n sumor i 4get oreadi...haiya.. i reli nothin 2 sae now ah.. i beta go do sumthin wit e blog now.. it lks horrible now.. tata~

2003-12-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

hmmm big aunt n cousins goin back 2 brunei tml.. so we went city square 2dae.... shoppin ard 4 our new yr clothes @ e same tim... didnt find ni clothes i reli lik... those i lik kinda dun fit me...but i bought a shoe.. very nice.. sumthin lik vintage style tt kinda? its nice ah.. but i stil wana get e other shoe... nvm.. i save money n buy it maself... niwae. after which... me n ma cousin went 2 get sum henna decorations on our hand... n im sori... but i reli hafta comment sumthin... e guy was very cute... n he reli was gd @ drawin.... haha... i saw his gf photo... cuz he was showin me e shots he took of his work piece.. den accidentali show me e gf pic.. haha.. e ger quite fat ah... haha... den we went 2 buy sum drinks. n waited 4 e adult 2 do their shoppin.. den i saw one of ma frenz... from e other bus... hehe... wit e stead... quite short ah... not nice ah... keke... den after which we went back 2 granny hse.. e dog got a name.. caleed "michi"... we bought e dog 2 walk ard e neighbourhood... dis tim wit ma other 2 cousins too.. so we were lik walkin.. e dog was so cute.. tryin 2 run after us.. but he's onli lik 2mths old.. cant reli run tt fas? hhaha... so we were lik playin ard n stuffs.. den cum dinner... tonsa spicy stuffs.... reli spicy i can sae. even e experts cant stan it.. haha... watch a movie... n we went out 2 play gain.. lik me n jooyi was practicali shoutin n dancin in e middle of e road... hehe... n now im back home... updatin dis thingy... reli got notin 2 say oreadi... schs gona stuck on fri... cant wait =)

2003-12-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

Don't hang up the phone,
it's someone you know--
and this is what it feels like to die alone.
Scampering to the paper,
yielding, wielding my thoughts to
the learned who have learned:
the world will die alone.
You will die alone.
I will die alone.
A sense of reality overtakes my senses,
dousing myself in burnt gasoline.
Scars beneath the surface,
wounds waiting to show themselves--
to heal and and feel feel--
Please say you...
won't you show me what the world has to offer?
The world dies in the eyes of an angel,
my inner city is caving in.
I stare into the bloody eyes of a bloody angel whose
hands are painted red.
I have caught you off guard and red-handed,
do you feel any sense of guilt?
I stare into the mirror and watch a
subtle hint of sadness
buried underneath the layers of unwonted, superficial exterior--
shed my skin throughout the photographs,
black out my surroundings and focus on
my expression.
This is what you get when you destroy the world in front
of the eyes of someone you supposedly loved.
Hoping these scars will surface, laying here in disarray,
why did you have to go and do this to me, beautiful?
I never wanted you any other way.

2003-12-28T15:58:00.000+08:00

hehe me juz got home.. went 2 granny hse juz now... it was fun ah... they hav a new dog dere too.. its a male.. onli 2 mths old... very cute... n ma sis juz cant stop pesterin him.. she keep on playin wit e dog... lik cant leav it alone n stuffs... den me ma sis n e youngest cousin, jooyi, we went 4 a walk ard e neighbourhood wit e dog... lik very nice la... very quiet n all... after which we went 2 besmart 2 buy sum fd 2 eat... den we wacth tv...
afterwhich.. grandma cooked dinner.. ma big aunt, ma 2 cousins, ma grandparents, ma uncle, me n ma sis... we al lik sit ard e table 2 eat... its lik very rare 4 me cuz its alwaz juz me ma parents n sis... lik very quiet... so i reli appreciate e tim we had juz now... it was fun ah.... den hafta go home liao...
tml goin shoppin wit em @ city square.. hehe... but they goin back brunei on tues.. which mean gona wait another yr b4 i can c em gain...
niwae... i go bath now.. i try 2 update lata bah.. tata~

2003-12-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

man!! i got so much icons n i reli duno where 2 put em.. but i do wana put em sumwhere cuz i reli do tink they r very pretty...*ponderin hard*

2003-12-27T18:37:00.000+08:00

sumthin i manage 2 dig out... i tink i write it ard e 4th mth.. decided 2 do sum changes so tt i wld sound mor appropriate... its juz how i m feelin now...

363 days of happines al an illusion
no reason 4 pain; but juz one conclusion
lov hurts

al e tears i've openly shed
through al e cuts i've secretly bled
my heart is alwaz left tattered n torn
my emotions no longer strong
im tired n worn.
lov reli hurts

19 days of misery lik neva b4
yet stil no answers 2 ma inquisitions
a wantin 2 die n liv no mor
leavin ma lov ones wit difficult positions
love hurts no mata wat

4eva has ended
i wun die alone
e future
wat could've been
it al fades wit me
im wilting.....
and 2 me...
love hurts

2003-12-27T18:10:00.000+08:00

i hate him.
i reli do.
i wana slash maself hard... i reli wana end e pain... deres no one i can relate 2. its so hard 2 pretend nothin happen...
he ignore me 4 19 days... den al of a sudden... he start tokin 2 me as though nothin hapens... i fel so weird... he made me so miserble 4 e past 19 days....y m i so weak....i reli hate maself... he said he tried 2 b nice.. i reli dun fel any niceness ard... i juz fel pain... he mistreated me 4 e pas 19 days... he cld @ leas lik apologies or wat... i wana make things clear btw e both of us... but he juz wana avoid things.. i reli worst now.. i tot i was orite oreadi... obviously i wasnt...dear.. dun go tt freakin chalet wit ur cousins... go home... i need 2 tok 2 u.........sum1... make dis pain go away....juz make it go

2003-12-27T17:55:00.000+08:00

the endless days w/o you tore at my heart
in a couple minutes we'll be further apart
all my friends begged me not to do this and to move ahead
but another day longing for you is like im already dead

this note i write today
proves my love will never go away
the words are true that are falling out of my mouth
its just to bad that this letter wont get out

the day you left me is the day that i died
tell me that in the begining was it true or was it full of lies
the razor and rope are ready and call for me
time to show you im only human, thats all ill ever be

there is two things you can do for me
give me one more chance or a razor
and watch me bleed

2003-12-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

hey erm... was rearrangin sum of ma stuffs juz now wen i chance upon dis "song" tt i wrote a looong tim ago... i tink its sumwhere @ e beginnin of dis yr... it may seem lame.... so its understandable if u dun wana read it... =)

I wish tt I cld fly away
Fly wit Peter n Wendy
2 a place where I wil neva grow old
n I wil keep ma childhood soul
Bcoz dese big worldy thins
r towerin ova ma head
n lately al ma wishes
r wishes 4 death

Oh juz beam me up
Cuz ive had enuf

I wish I cld jump on e nex train 2 Hogwart's
n lose myself in spels n witches n such stuffs
But ppl keep tellin me, life's not a storybk
They dun help out much

Oh juz beam me up
Cuz ive had enuf

Cuz dese razorblade dreams r hauntin me gain
but I wun let e past haunt ma present
I tink its ma tim 2 shine in e lite
Its ma tim, u juz wait n c
Read ma othaworldly fantasies
n it'll al cum 2getha 2nite

juz beam me up lov
Ive had e wors life & Ive had enuf

2003-12-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

it fels so gd wen u start out
but everythin soon turns grey as u go on
u'll soon lose sight of urself
n everythin else u held dear
al u fel is anger sadnes n e razor
against ur freshly healed skin
nothin matas, not even e faintes detail
of your lovers face tt you once knew
dun falter, dun lose urself
it juz may b e end of u

2003-12-26T21:53:00.000+08:00

hmm went holiday plaza juz now... saw e shoe i reli reli lik sia.... kinda to ex... but its reli cool... hafta wait til she got money.... cross fingers n toes... faster buy.... its tooo pretty to not buy it...
den went 2 find e bikini top... not reli ma taste.... mayb shal go far eas... hope they r goin spore nex wk... so i can buy it...
hmm... tml bbq!! yeahnes.... n oso goin 4 facial... hehe.. cant wait... cousin cumin back den on sunday got "farewel dinner" 4 em cuz they goin back brunei...
juz now went 2 e hawker centre n eat wit mum... e curry noodles shope wasnt open... ended up eatin e dessert.... den buy sum laksa 2 eat @ home...
hmm i 2dae reli nothin 2 sae ah.. juz plain nonsense.... guez i go 1st den.. tata~

2003-12-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty. He said no. She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever. He said no. She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away. He again said no. She had heard too much and she needed to leave. As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay. He said: You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever.. I need to be with you forever, and I wouldn't cry if you walked away.. I would die.

2003-12-25T13:23:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~ merry xmas....
oh boy aint it juz so cool?! ma parents bought me a new comp n a printer.... ahhh~ waited sooo long 4 it... hehe.. al mine... hehe.... dun hafta wait 4 daddy 2 use or get stuck wit dis very very slow laptop...its reli very pretty... e very new version if im not worng.. very very slim tt kinda? den e printer is way cool.. hehe..
e other prezie was nice too.. granny gav us each $50 wit e coinbox...
got a necklace, a funky pillow, a very nice photo frame wit heidi in it n a shirt tt e parents design emselves.. n oh... not 2 4get e jigsaw puzzle... hehe...
den watch e movie lilo n stitch.. i juz cant get enuf of it... its sooo sweet.... ahhh~
den had xmas lunch... onion soup, salad, whipped potato... roast chicken n beef... very nice~... hehe... esp e onion soup... totali homemade wit sum wine in it.. hehe....
orighty den... i beta b off 1st... daddy wana cal aunty geather... b back lata.. tata~

2003-12-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

ladidadida..
wat a meal i had juz now... prawn salad n smoke salmon... ahhh~ it was nice..... haha... wonder wats gona b 4 tml's xmas dinner hehe...
cant wait.. i wonder wat me prezie gona b...
haiz... juz now i sms him... wishin him a merry xmas... but no reply =(... so sad... haiz...
niwae... im off now.. i wana change me blog pic n stuffs.. ttaa~

2003-12-24T19:23:00.000+08:00

ahhh.. finali found e slow version of dis song... erm.. hope u ppl wil lik it den.. cuz i sincerely do... tata... n here's e lyrics =)...

oh thinkin about our younger years
there was only you and me
we were young and wild and free
Now nothing can take you away from me
we've been down that road before
but thats over now
you keep me coming back for more

Baby you're all that i want
When you're lying here in my arms
Im finding it hard to believe
we're i heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
We're In Heaven
We're in heaven

Now nothing can change what you mean to me
there's a lot that i can say
but just hold me now
cuz our love will light the way

Baby you're all that i want
When you're lying here in my arms
Im finding it hard to believe
we're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
We're In Heaven

Now ourdreams are coming true
through the good times and the bad
i'll be standing there by you

we're in heaven
love is all that i need
And i fnd it there in your heart
it isnt to hard to see
we're i heaven

We're in heaven

2003-12-24T18:05:00.000+08:00

oOo its xmas eve 2dae...too bad ma cousins they al r in kl, or else it wld b beta... n hmm... i dun hav e xcitement 4 xmas lik i use 2... lik bein hapi n stuffs... but nah... it aint reli dere dis yr... *shrugs* i guez i noe e reason.. but it may b beta not 2 sae out loud i guez.. haiz..
went wit mama n sis 2 the store juz now.. 4 las min xmas shopin.. 2 tink they almos ask ma sis 2 buy briefs 4 ma daddy as xmas prezie... hehe... its lik i dun tink nione reli buy undergarments 4 their dads... mama stil can understan.. but daddy? hehe mayb im too out dated or wat but it sounds kinda erotic 2 me haha... its lik i rather buy undergarments 4 ma bf den ma dad... @ leas 2 me its mor understandable... ? *shrugs* hehe...
im kinda bored... not much 2 do... guez i wil update gain lata den... tata~

2003-12-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

ahhh.. agony beyond agony. pain beyond pain. what material form of communication can ever begin to gleen the barest drops of lifeblood that seeps forth from my veins with every fleeting second? foundations rent asunder by the very force that built it up. it steals - nay - robs; pillages the very desire to live. i am oppressed by the fact that i am not oppressed.

2003-12-23T21:40:00.000+08:00

mind wanders to shadowed lands
form encompassed by drilling dictators
thoughts trained on the light at the end of the tunnel
or tunnel at the end of the light?
hollow eyes and shallow breaths
morbid dance of cerebral death
who's to witness cleansing
when cleansing will not be witnessed?
carve my skin
give me my lessons.

credit by:ziyang

2003-12-23T19:35:00.000+08:00

im so tired!!!
went 2 cwp 2dae 2 get ma bks from ma senior... hey thanx buddy =) boy do u now how 2 take care of ur bks sia... 1yr n its stil in such purfect condition... how do u do it sia... mine cant even las 4 4 mths.... keke..
den went 2 holland road 2 find xmas tree... found it... 7ft tall... cos bout 200 bucks or mor...den spent another 145 bucks on e xmas deco...n hu end up carryin al e stuffs? ... me.... den e parents went off lkin 4 mor stuff... while i stood dere patheticali n quarrelin wit ma sis...shes sucha pest... niwae.. after which we went 2 coffee bean 2 eat.. i ate e turkey n melted cheese sandwich... it was nice... den i ate sum of mums salad n spaghetti...hehee den we head 2 centrepoint..
haiz.. dere were soooooo many ppl... i hate crowds yea i reli do... n dere was sooo much ppl... cant even walk properly w/o sum1 blockin e way... it was so damn freakin fucked up...
niwae after which we went home... and here i m updatin dis thingy n tokin 2 shirin @ same tim.. she told me bout e sec1s n i reli wonder how fuck up can they b.. accordin 2 her... e malay minahs act lik bitches... now i wonder bout e chi gers.. if they r from marsilin pri sch.. den.. ha.ha... its obvious they r worst off... u shld c how they act in e custom... haiz... lets c nex yr... 4 now.... i wana design a bag..-actuali i oreadi design le.. i noe wat i wana-mama gona help me wit it... but hafta wait after e new yr.. which means i can bring it on e 1st day of sch.. haiz.. so sad... means i hafta bring e other bag which i bought in penang... but tt one kinda too big.. *shrugs*... i wonder if shad had help me bought a new bag... *shrugs shrugs*...
hmm sms nina juz now.. wish her a early xmas... hmm.. she seems so bz dese days... lik no longer wana tok 2 me no mor... but nvm... i guez i m juz bein over sensitiv... nonetheles... i stil lov her n i cant wait 4 sch 2 open.. hehe...
tts al i guez... wil update mor if i reli m bored.. hehe... tata~

2003-12-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

wat a day!!
heidi was brought back home.. n boy was she cute!! haha.... u shld c how she reacted wen i cal her name... she came runnin 2 me in scuh a humourous way i duno how 2 describe it.. keke..
den.. i was pestered e whole day!! by mummy n oma.. haiz... no one moment of peace... dere is ah.. 4 a while onli.. e res of e tim was lik... "can u help me" n stuffs... ah dui. pity me...
den hafta a tok wit sara.. thanx alot... i reli appreciate everythin sis....
n ya.. i did cried 2day... but stil, i fel tt its beta 2 cry den tryin 2 run away from reality.. *shrugs*...
meetin ma senior tml 2 collect e txbks tml... btw im not troublesome hor! u promised me rite from e beginnin of dis yr de... onli u nihow put bks tts y canot find it now... keke...
hehe... 3 mor days den xmas le... ladidadida.... i wonder wat ma prezzies gona b.... hehe... but i hope they wil lik e lil prezie i gav em.... *shurgs*.. keke
n thus.. i dedicate e nex xmas song 2 everyone readin dis blog..
p.s...its one of ma fave xmas songs.. ehehhe..

where r u xmas

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fills your heart with love

2003-12-21T21:47:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
juz reach home few hrs ago
quite tired, so i wil juz put up e lyrics of ma currently fave song =)
p.s.. its quite an old song.. but nonetheles, its stil nice yea?

Don't Speak Lyrics

Artist(Band):No Doubt

You and me we used to be together
Every day together, always

I really feel that I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe this could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real, well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Our memories they can be inviting
But some are altogether mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
No no no
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are

You and me
I can see us dying, are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
No no
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak, oh
I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons

I know you good, I know you good
I know you real good, oh

Ladadada, ladadadada
Don't! Don't!

Oh, oh
Hush, hush, darling - hush, hush, darling
Hush, hush - don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Hush, hush, darling - hush, hush, darling
Hush, hush - don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Oh
Hush, hush, darling - hush, hush, darling

2003-12-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

she slashed her wrist n died
finali set free from al e heart wrenchin pain she had fel al dese while
no longer tortured mentally
no longer cryin emotionally
she was finali set free...
n 4 a long tim,shes finali smilin

2003-12-14T19:27:00.000+08:00

accidentali knocked ma head against ma wardrobe juz now... n i immediately cry.... not tt cuz i cry cuz its hurt... it was cuz... wen ma head got knock... i immediately tot of shad... i was lkin 4 our cow juz now... wen i juz knocked in2 it.... n i immediately tink of him... he was alwaz dere wen im in pain.. b it menses, gastric n stuffs.. he was alwaz juz an sms away...n now... i dun even dare 2 sms him.. cuz he lik dun wana bother... he dun even noe tt i goin penang tml... i juz dun dare 2 tel him... haiz.... but if he is readin dis now... juz wana let him noe... im wearin our ring... e ring tt he wear it on 4 me e day b4 ma bday.... i wil alwaz b wearin it... n i wil b bringin moomoocow wit me 2 penang... cuz i lov him... even if it means he dun lov me nimor.. i stil do... im not tt kinda ger hu givs up juz lidat... if u get wat i mean... haiz... u noe.. if onli he cld sms me... juz one... i noe i wil b smilin n enjoyin maself totali throughout e whole penang trip.. i noe i wld... if onli........... haiz~
moomoocow is wit me now... dis cow... so much memoirs... reli reli so much memoirs....e head smell of shad's room.. while e butt smell of ma perfume... n e tummy smell of both his room n ma perfume mix 2gether..... if onli he can noe how i fel... if onli........
everytim i wear e ring.. e feelin of warmth n security fels in2 ma heart.. makin me fel so comforted... n i wld juz stare @ e ring... n tink... tink of everythin tt is connected 2 him... n im not afraid 2 sae... i lov his family... i lov al 4 of em... they make me fel so welcum n stuffs.... they reli do.... they treat me juz lik ma family wil... they r such nice ppl.. i reli neva fel lik dis b4... it reli is so nice of em... no one eva treated me lik dis b4.. reli....
im sori... i shun hav said wat i said earlier... but it reli is wat i fel.... rite from e bottom of ma heart....
niwae tried studyin bio yesterday... kinda succeeded... sonia is gonin 2 giv me her notes wen i meet her nex tim.. thanx sonia....
i stil tink i lk nice in dis hairstyle.. nicer den e previous one @ leas... few strands of my hair r standin up al e tim lik a boy... hehe...neva regret cuttin ma hair...
haiz stil haven pack ma bag 4 tml... but i confirm gona put ma hp m discman n ma cow in2 e bag... en res i wil juz hafta c 1st den...
spent e day very boringly 2dae.. watch tv al day long... had dinner n now go online... heidi is @ a pet shop now cuz parents not bringin her along as e hotel wun alow.. so yea.... tts al i guez... i wu update til 1 wk lata.. so.... tata~ =)

2003-12-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

a song ma homie ask me 2 here.. quite nice...

I've had enough of all your lies and all your silly games
I'm running out
Can't you see what you're doing?
I never ever thought that you'd treat me so cruel
But you proved me wrong and now you know I'm just a fool
Don't keep me guessing, always stressing all the time
You want to play this game, true love is hard to find
And if I walk there won't be no more coming back
In fact you'll be missing this, wish you should be kissing this
Baby check my rhyme

No man, no cry
No man, that's alright
No we won't be played
Listen all you ladies cuz the babes are taking over this place
No man, no cry
No man telling me lies
No we won't be played
We're here to tell you fellas that the babes are taking over your place

I'm feeling angry by the way that you treat me lately
Do you see me as some fool, remember what I'm worth boy
No disrespecting me, upsetting me with talk, or this lady's gonna walk
And while I'm thinking baby, tell me what did you do
Just interrupt good times that should have been with my crew
I bring you down when I tell your boys...
I won't be sitting here now waiting for your call
I ain't some little girl, baby you know the score
Don't want to feel like I'm not the only one
Baby you did me wrong, I'm not your bitch, don't trip, I'm moving on

No man, no cry
No man, pass on by
No we won't be played
Listen all you ladies cuz the babes are taking over this place
No man, no cry
No man telling me lies
No we won't be played
We're here to tell you fellas that the babes are taking over your place

I'm moving on
I said I'm moving on
I'm moving on and on, on
On, on, on
Said I'm moving on

No man, no cry
No man, that's alright
No we won't be played
Listen all you ladies cuz the babes are taking over this place
No man, no cry
No man telling me lies
No we won't be played
We're here to tell you fellas that the babes are taking over your place

No man, no cry
No man, that's alright
No we won't be played
Be played no more
No man, no cry
No man telling me lies
No we won't be played

2003-12-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

ah dui... shun hav acmpy mummy... sat dere in e saloon 4 bout 2-3 hrs? i was alomst frozen 2 death!!! haiz... wun go wit her if shes gona dye her hair nex tim.. torture!!! but nvm.. i change abit of ma hairstyle too... its abit shorter... -not tt short as las tim though- n ma frindge is ard ma eye area.. hehe....
n 4 e 1st tim... i was e 1st 2 finish dinner... hehe... no complaints from nione!!i was juz damn hungry hehehe...
hmmm no sms since yesterdae... haiz... memories came floodin back 2 her lik a movie playin in her mind. feelings n emotions long buried, struggled 2 b free n expressed emselves.. she wanted 2 noe everythin bout him but she was becumin less a part of his life everyday. he was slowly driftin away w/o either od em realisin tt e ties tt had once boud em, had cum undone... her heart filed wit longin images of e fun times they had shared in e past came 2 her mind. she remembered e laughters n tears... she recalled how he used 2 hug her willingly n tel her bout his day. she loved him so much n had neva stopped... she wanted 2 touch him, 2 stroke his hair tt was shinin lik a halo, 2 smooth away e frown tt creased his brow as he lay dere dreamin.she wanted 2 hold him close n feel his warmth again.. but tt tim has passed. he wld no longer accept her kisses n shrugged away her attempts 2 b dere 4 him.... if onli e guy cld understan how it feels lik 2 b treated lik dis... den e ger wun b hurtin so much... *shrugs*
niwae.. tok 2 one of ma buddy juz now... hehe... so hapi... alwaz make me fel beta... i wana get a scholarship... i duno if i can do it... but muz hav faith rite? heehe... fel so much happier now... hehe...
waitin 4 alina 2 sent me e pic... faster ger!!! haiz~

2003-12-12T23:03:00.000+08:00

hmm been listenin 2 j.lo 2dae... n i juz lov dis song....

Ohhh yeah,
Yes I did baby...Yes I did

It's funny 'cause for a while
I walked around with a smile
But deep inside I could hear voices telling me this ain't right
Don't you know it's not for you
I always knew what I had to do
But it's hard to get away
'cause I love you
I just tried to stay

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright

Friends of mine say to me
They say you got control over me
You're not alone
I played my part
I saw the way you were from the start
Could I expect so much from you
You had a girl when I first met you
Did the best that you could do
Now I realize that I can't change you

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright

Said I wouldn't walk away
Somedays I want to stay
But leaving you is what I need to do to be okay
Never thought it would be true
Me livin' without you
But now it's time for me to make that move

I used to say I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And I know inside I'm gonna be alright
I said I couldn't do it
But I did it
After telling everybody that I wasn't with it
Though it brings tears to my eyes
I can feel it
And that voice inside says I'm gonna be alright

2003-12-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

im in such beta md 2dae.. i duno y.. ~~mayb cuz ma menses r over? haha~~
finali found e purfect thingy 4 e blog... @ 1st.. i wana put e vic weddin pic of juz her standin alone.. cuz i wan e blog 2 b magical n stuffs... but its so hard 2 find.. i gav up.. end up findin sum other pics of her.. which is nice too... yea.. im not afraid 2 sae though spice girls r oreadi a passe.. i stil adore em al... eso vic =)... hehe... now i juz hafta make em al rite.. wit e help of mimi dear tt is =) sori 2 trouble u al dese while dear... =)
cousin they al goin 2 penang tml..whilst me n family goin on mon... hehe... hope i wil meet em... i gona stuff maself 2 death dere... i wana get fatter im tooooo skinny 4 ma own gd... i noe tt.... now e whole family is concern bout how much i eat n stuffs.. cuz they tink i hav eatin disorder.. hehe.. lik juz now.. durin dinner... i was e 1st 2 eat n las 2 finish.. sumor i had e fewest rice among em al.. hehe.. they were lik al watchin me eat n stuffs.. askin me 2 eat dis n tt... hehe... den daddy complained bout mama veg bein 2 salty.. he asked me 4 ma opinion...n i say it was orite... n he said "haiz, u let me down.. everytim wen u complain bout her fd i support u... now 4 once i complained, u actuali say its orite.. haiz" it was so cute of him.. haha... tink daddy not gona support me nimor.. haha.... hmmm back 2 penang... i wana buy tonsa cds... n get maself tan.. lik las yr wen i went 2 bali... awww~ i lov tt place dere... though i been 2 dere so many times.. i neva get sick of it... it reli is a place 2 relax n feel e romance... -though i dun hav a bf den- but its stil sweet juz watchin couples goin ard =) den e ppl dere r very polite... very nice... e clothes dere r cheap n fashionable too... not 2 sae bout braidin ma hair.. hehe.... goin 2 penang... i juz hope @ leas i wld lk beta de im now.. i wana get tan!!! it beta not rain, or i wil b so so so disappointed... i wana lk beta wen i go back 2 sch... so i wld b proud of maself -not tt im thick skin... but we shld al lov ourself rite? i wana lov maself gain @ leas- so i wana go back 2 sch... loud n proud (hehe)... i juz wana b e confident one gain... e i-dun-giv-2-shits-bout-wat-u-tink-of-me person gain.... if onli i can... *smiles*
but yea.. i blif i wil b tt ger gain.. i juz need tim... if god wld help me.. i blif i wil surely b... n e 1st thing i wana pray 2 god is..... totali sunshine in penang... hehe... gtg tata~

2003-12-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

4 once.... after so much cryin days... i finally laugh wholeheartedly 2dae... it was cuz ma sis tied a sock on heidi's leg... n it taged along weneva she went.. so cute... ha
goin 2 penang nex wk... hope i wil cum back lkin not tt old n haggard... hope i wil b able 2 get e tannin session.. i do need it.. i lk lik a corpse now... haiz..
haiz... its so hard... tinkin of him lik almos al e tim... sumtimz i fel so tired... i juz wana lie in e sea n let maself sink... @ leas i fel tt it is where i belong... were i wld b love... i fel so unloved now...i wan 2 b lov by sum1... lik wat shirin sae... i dun hav lov 4 maelf now... tts y i need lov...frankly.. if i wana die... i wld... ... but dere seems so much things 2 leave bhind juz lidat... esp ma family n homies..im not afraid of die...its not painful...its those hu liv tt r gona b in pain....
juz now i watch e 9pm show.. it was so touchin.. e ger was lik sayin "wen e person u lov is dyin in front of u yet u cant do nithin. e pain is lik a thousand arrows piercin ur heart... n e pain wil stay dere 4 a long tim"
it soo touchin.... frankly.. its juz lik a lost relationship... e relationship tt u lov n tried so much 2 make e bes is gon yet deres nothin u can do cuz in a relationship, it takes 2 ppl 2 make it work... n wen its gone... u wil fel tt ur heart is so broken.. it wil neva b e same gain. n yea... frankly... life wil neva b e same gain...cuz part of it is gone wit him... u gav ur whole heart n soul n everythin... its al gone...
erm dis is juz wat i fel la... juz sum craps... cuz e thingy reli is so touchin... wen e ger said tt.... haiz..
wil type mor tml.. mama screamin.. nitey ppl~

2003-12-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

e hardest part bout askin 4 a break up,
is knowin tt u wil neva bother bout it...
i suggested 4 a breakup 2dae.. hopin tt mayb he wil cared n stuffs... hopin he wil sms me n stuffs... but nope. none if dis happened 2 me 2dae. he juz cant b bothered...
2 tink everytim wen he does tt... i wld bombarded him wit sms beggin him n stuffs.... but wen i did wat he did... i got blamed.... its ma fault now... he said tt cuz of ger i break up wit him... he dun wana tok no mor... hmm... tt tim wen i look @ zhenhui onli... he asked 4 a break up too... now he did wat was worst den me... izit ma fault?
so now im e demandin one... wen al e while... he made e rule of not tokin 2 our ex....n he actuali said i was demandin?... wat wrong did i eva do sia...
@ leas after al dese... i tot he wld mayb try 2 persuade me or wat.. but he didnt... he didnt care... its as though its ma fault now... wen it shun b....
frankly i reli duno wat 2 do now ah... i reli dun... fuck me... i hate maself...

2003-12-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

Does he love me after all?
Dis is a qns i had been askin maself again n again 2dae.... haiz...
sumtimz i wonder y did he eva hav 2 do dis 2 me... its lik wat hav i eva done 2 him tt deserve dis...
3 times oreadi ah.. aint it already too much.. now another one? Even though he didnt went out wit her alone b4... al they did was juz tok on e phone til 2am everyday n sms each other n go out in big grps... aint it reli too much?....tt ger even said she was willin 2 b his ger sia... wat u wan me 2 do sia....
i neva do nithin 2 deserve dis sia.. i reli didnt... u once claimed tt i was e bes gf u eva had wen compared 2 others... but lets tink bout it.... if tt reli is e case... y al dese scandals den? If u reli lov me.... if i reli take ur breath away since sec 1... den y wld u even do al dese.... its al lies rite... if i reli were e one u alwaz wanted... wun u treasure me n appreciate me even mor instead of doin al dese?...
i reli fel so stupid now.... 2 tink i purposely went al e way 2 orchard hmv juz 2 buy tt cd tt u cant find but yet wanted it so badly... wen i called.... wat did i eva get.... scandals. Scandals. SCANDALS.
When he didnt lik me tokin 2 my ex... i started avoidin al of em.... wen they say ‘hi’ 2 me... i pretend tt they neva exist... so much tt it pisses em so much they start givin me e eye n called me a bitch weneva i walk pass em.... but did it stop me from avoidin em? NO... instead i juz ignored n liv life as it is...
even ma godbrother sia... sum1 hu is lik ma real brother since sec 1... even my mom noes him n allow me 2 cal him my brother... i asked him 2 go away juz lidat cuz shad didnt lik it. N e onli tim i find him was wen tt tim e calculator thingy... sumor got shad permission.. although i stil got accused by shad...
i gav up almos everythin 4 tt guy.... i even almos lost nina cuz of him... i made nina so lonely cuz of him... made her so hurt n disappointed....but i neva complained.... cuz i tot havin him wld b enuf... how naive i was...
n 2dae wen i was so hurt n cryin ma ass off... hu was dere 4 me? No it wasnt shad... it was nina!! Shad cant b bothered even wen i bombarded him wit smses... ya me smsin him... not he smsin me... he didnt even bother 2 apologise... cuz he felt tt he was not @ fault n he shld defend himself onli....
frankly i duno wat 2 do now sia... e ger is willin 2 b his gf... n lk @ me... how wld i ev win her? I liv in msia... i cant meet him as often as e other ger can... nor can i cal him n stuff as much as e other ger can cuz ma mum dun allow... n now 2 ma character... all i eva noe was 2 cry... cuz im juz tooo sensitive... den lk @ me? So skinny, so many pimples, such big nose n a fucked up body... not 2 sae tt im alwaz sick... how can i eva win dis ger? E ger can cal him everyday... e ger can go raya wit him... n e ger wun pester him soo much cuz e ger study in evergreen.. which means he cld do wateva he wana...i neva once cheated on him... nor do i tok 2 members of e opposite sex soundin as though im single n bitchin bout ma stead 24/7.. i neva eva sia.... i neva... i los al of ma close guy frenz 4 him... while he cld even share drinks wit his ex in front of me.... stil havin e cheek 2 ask if i allow.. everytim he not hapi wit me... he wil sae... "im not ready 2 b commited yet" or "dun blame me or urself if i eva did another scandal on u"... not 2 mention wen he scold me vuglarities in front of his frenz makin em laughed @ me n stuffs... i keep em mostly 2 maself... n onli cry maself 2 slp wen it hurts too much.... cuz i tot @ leas bottomline he changed...
tt tim tt 2 scandals... i made him shaved his head n stuffs... n he promised he wld changed... i reli tot he wld n tt he loved me cuz he wld shave his head 4 me.... but mayb.. tt was juz las tim... wen he got wat he wanted... now? *shrugs*... i duno.... i reli dun... mayb he’s sick of me? Mayb i neva was gd enuf 4 him.. i shld hav known wen he keep on askin 4 breakup or wen he gav me e cold shoulder or wen instead of e normal.. "love ya *muackz*" it was e "i like u man"...come to tink bout it... no wonder i was e onli happy one durin our 11th mth yesterday... he didnt even care... at all
im reli very upset now... very hurt n stuffs... i tot he love me.. tts e main thing... esp wen he gav me e ring n wear it on 4 me on fri.... n while im lik holdin it al e while, come 2 tink of it... mayb he aint even wearin it in e 1st place.... i took back ma cow... cuz i dun wan ma cow 2 c her own "dad" flirtin n tokin sweet words 2 another woman.... i rather keep her wit me... cuz i dare say tt wen it cums 2 faithfulness in a relationship... i m a much beta parthner....
4 now... i dun dare 2 tink too much.. tts y i went 2 his hse n took al ma txbks back... study is mor important.... cuz y shld i giv al ma heart n soul 2 a guy wen he juz cant b bothered 2 me...
lik wat cheening alwaz tel me... "relax, dun try 2 control n think tooo much bout it.... if hes reli meant 2 b urs... he wil come back 2 u no mata wat... " rite ning? Relax.. i wun hurt maself gain... i hav beta things 2 do 4 now... den doin silly stuffs wen he dun even care.. rite? =)
i wana thank nina n cheening 4 bein by ma side 2dae.... thanx =)
tts al i guez... gona fetch granny tml so i gona slp early... so yea.. nitez~

2003-12-08T17:48:00.000+08:00

oOo btw 2dae is e 11th mth... hehe... lov u shad!! muackz... hehe

2003-12-08T17:34:00.000+08:00

eew eew eew eew eew
i swear 2 neva eat cadbury's choco nimor.... eew... was eatin tt choco juz now.. wen i saw a maggot dere... eew... it was soooo disgustin!! esp wen i hate worms.... it was soooo disgustin... eew.. feel lik pukin out.... lucky tt i did not eat things blindly... or i cant imagine wat wld hav happen gross!!!!!
went 2 remake ic juz now... haiz stupid country... everythin oso do sooooo slow..... haiz.... 18 years old muz do gain... haiz.. m lik soooo tired now.... wana slp... hav a headache now.... haiz... pity me...
niwae went 2 c chew mun 4 awhile juz now.. hmm she lk orite now.. not as bad as i though =).... den she pass me ma barbie doll... from xinyu 2 her 2 me...
but e plastic spoil oreadi!! hfta take it out.... but ah nvm.... it stil suits e theme of ma room... so pretty haha... k den... b back lata.... i guez? tata~

2003-12-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

hapi bday 2 me?
ok its ma bday 2 me... but aint reli hapi.. niwae lets tok bout yesterdae 1st...

5th december 2003
i wun tok bout e beginnin... but niwae... we went 2 watch elf.... quite orite.. was funny... n stuffs... n yea... i miss his kisses.. it was lik... hmm... heaven... keke.... esp 2 1st one.... niwae.. after which we went 2 do some shoppin n stuffs... den go eat dinner @ cavana... b4 goin 2 his home 2 take ma bag n stuffs... tok wit his parents 4 a while... n .... he acmpy me 2 custom... actuali its not "2"... its "thru".. hehe... went al e way 2 city square... but it was lik ard 10pm liao? so al e shops were close... n wat was worse? e bf hafta wait alone 4 his family 2 cum cuz my mum reach oreadi... was lik worried n stuffs.. cuz he's lik alone in almos e middle of e nite? but i reli hafta comment tt he did lk very handsome yesterday... al black... so hunky... hehe...but... we 4got 2 take neoprints!!! ahhh!!!!

6th december 2003
didnt woke up in a cheerful mood cuz of sum stuffs tt happened yesterday... but i did fel warm @ heart everytim i c e ring tt im wearin now tt shad gav yesterday... it was reli sweet of him... n btw. its not a bday prezie... its 4 our 11th mth... so yea... hs prezie was reli nice... cuz he gav me an anklet...wit 2 bells!! hehe... thanx alot babes... its reli very pretty... =).. niwaez... after which we went to ma granny hse... watch tv n stuffs dere... den xinyu called... she told me tt qiumin had a small operation juz now on e head 2 remove a tumor or sumthin lidat... mos propably gona visit her tml... den after tt ma big aunt from brunei cum down... tok 4 awhile n stuffs.. shes reli sooo pretty.. =) den after which mama cum 2 fetch us... bought e bday cake... totali mangoish... ma fav fruit=)... n yea... e cake was yummy... niwae... got sum prezie from ma sis n cousin too.. n bday kiss from daddy... hehe.. after which went granny hse 2 hav dinner n here i m=)... btw... thanx 4 e e-card mimi... =) ... so yea. tts ma day 2dae. though nothin reli bad happened... i do feel unhappy... i duno y.... so yea. tata~

2003-12-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

hehehe.. how shld i describe 2dae.. erm.. FUN?!! hahhaa...
met em in cwp bought sum dolls n we head 2 our fav place.. haha...
bought quite a couple of things... hehe... so hapi... n took a couple of neoprints.. haha.. funny sia... xinyu gav me a g-string as a prezie... hehe... its in one of ma neoprint haaa...after which i went 2 meet ma parent...
hmm waitin 4 babes now... he haven online... hehe... goin out wit him tml...
cant wait... i miss him soooooo much.. but... =( i hav 2 pimples on ma face... of all times!!!!! xinyu n xinchi keep on laughin @ it...
haha. im off den... nitey....
p.s... wil definitely hav a longer entry tml. keke... nitey...

2003-12-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

ma aunty from brunei is here!! yea!!! its was sucha surprise.. onli noe it juz now wen ma cousins called...awwww~ soo happi... hheehe... i miss em both... they r sooo nice.. n wen they 2 bicker.. wahahha... its e bes show eva.. haha... cant wait 2 c em... too bad i can onli c em on sat cuz i goin out tml n fri!! haha...
aiyo nothin 2 sae le... im off... nitey...~

2003-12-03T14:11:00.000+08:00

had piano juz now... ma fingernails were too long...hafta cut it... i wun hav mind if i didnt juz manicured ma hand e day b4... haiz... so heart pain sia... now e white part of e french manicure left onli =>||<= dis small part in between onli... ah dui so sad sia... nvm.. gona redo it lata on... mayb wil pedicure too... if i reli hav nothin 2 do tt is...
hmmm... m lik takin a break now.. was rearrangin all ma notes n stuffs juz now... realise quite a lota of files n stuffs r stil in shad's home... hehe... mayb i wil go n take sum of it on fri... gona take his bio stuffs too.. since i hav los every bio stuffs... im not fated wit bio ah... everytim alwaz got sumthin happen de... =)
tml goin out wit xinyu n mayb xinchi.. ladidadida... sooo happy... gona buy a new discman tml.... e one i usin now abit spoil oreadi... n e colour aint nice nimor... so.. im gona buy a new one. sooo excited... hehe... hmmm xinyu say gt a surprise prezie 4 me... i wonder wat its gona b.. *squeals*... hehehe...
hmm daddy is on leav from yesterdat onwards... which means... on fri.. i takin public bus out... which means i m allow 2 stay out lateeee.... hhehehe....hmmm... may b searchin 4 new sch bag on fri.. hehe... confirm is sling bag one lo... cuz i dun lik usin backpack... it makes me feel so uncomfy... sling bag is ma style.. haha..been usin it since pri 5...e onli tim i used backpack after tt.. was 4 a short tim bein las yr... cuz... erm nvm... hehe... now e bag wit sonia le lo.... dun wana use it nimor... haha...
hmmm k la... tink ma break tim is over... may b updatin lata on... tata~

2003-12-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

suddenly fel so stupid. ha. yea. i fel stupid.
forced maself up early in e mornin... beg ma godsis 2 help me sms him... waited stupidly e whole day... nah. nothin...
called his hse juz now...onli 2 learnt from his sis tt he had went out since e afternoon.. n haven been back yet. hah. stupid rite? oh man. wen m i clever in e 1st place... if i m...ah 4get it. im juz plain stupid.
nitey guyz =)

2003-12-02T14:09:00.000+08:00

woke up alot of times 2dae... cuz dere was alot bangings on e neighbour's hse... ahdui.. poor me.. wana slp properly oso canot... =(
went 2 bathe den went down in quite a cheerful mood... onli 2 realise im e onli one bein cheerful.. haiz... lidat ma mood oso lik totali spoilt le...
hmmm been waitin 4 shirin 2 help me scan e thingy so i can finali change ma blog... haiz... shirin, has alina pas u e thingy or not?haiz
den yesterdae.. shad smsed me... but i cant reply... ahdui... so sad sia... its lik im suppose 2 b e one smsin 2 e wal al e tim... yesterdae was his turn... he waited til 2:30 sia... poor thin... onli can sms him 2dae.. hope he not angry la.. cuz i didnt do it purposely....
haiz.. fel lik bakin cake 2dae... tink i shall do it after i mop e floor? muz ask mummy 1st... juz hope she wun aske me 2 use cake as ma bday cake... tt wld b oh-so-terrible... keke....3 mor days sia... den im no longer 14... wonder wat ma parents wil giv.. mayb nothin. due 2 e problems happenin @ home.. but as long as they alow me 2 go out.. i dun mind gettin nothin =)
haiz... e eng hor... so troublesome sia.. i onli do e compre.. haven do e summary of e compre n e writin bk summaries n stories... its sooooo much... tink i gona ask ma frenz 2 help me le.. hehehehehe......
hmmm ok den.. wil update lata.. tata~

2003-12-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

elo.hows every1's day 2dae?
mine was e usual.. got woke up by 2 phonecalls... so irritatin... den took a looong shower... practicali singin al e tim....
went down.. had breakfas aka lunch.. cun finish.. beg sis 2 help me... den play ard wit heidi... haiya.. e stupid country... now go n made a new law tt dogs muz hav licence 2 b able 2 go out... n wats mor e neighbour muz approve... or else they wil cum 2 one's hse, take e dog away n kill it... rm10 4 male n rm30 4 female... female r charged higher cuz they hav menses... n its asked 2 take e womb of e female dog off so tt she cant reproduce..... haiz... wat a cruel country dis is.... so anti-dogs... i noe dis is an islamic country.. but dere r other cultures in dis country too... e leas they can do is 2 respect.. its not lik we complain bout e cats yellin in e middle of e nite lik sum ghost.... or tt they reproduce faster den dogs... haiz... its so damn unfair.... wtf
parents r upset bout sum other thignys too.. wun say bout it.. cuz its quite a family mata... juz hope nothin wil happen..
haiz... ppl bday cumin.. all soooo hapi n stuffs... im lik frownin n stuffs.... haiz..... update tml.. nitez.

2003-11-30T22:33:00.000+08:00

haiyo e motha n sista r sooo annoyin.. been pissin me off e whole day 2dae.. i watch tv they stil muz disturb.. surrender e tv upstairs liao stil muz cum down 2 switch channel. so rude.
niwae. was watchin a movie in suria channel juz now.. indonesia movie i guez?.. very nice. so touchin... ahh...
6 mor days 2 ma bday. ladidadida...cant wait...
man i cant wait 2 get outa home... i rather go 2 sch... @ leas i wun fel so irritated... hav been quarrelin wit em e whole day 2dae.. esp e sis... cant leac me alone.. sooo naggy.... haiz. wat a life i hav...
mimi dear. where r u... i haven finish tokin ma story leiz... keke...

2003-11-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

=(
not in a very hapi mood now... i dun wana sae y... i juz fel tt wateva tt is happenin now is very unfair 2 me. its not lik i did it purposely.. i dun wana tings 2 happen dis way either.. so y r u blamin me? n its not lik i dun bother.. i do!! im lik tryin ma bes 2 make everythin turn out wel. but instead of supportin me n makin me fel beta... u hafta giv me e cold shoulder... *sighz*... thanx 4 makin me fel miserable...
hmm mimi dear is in msia now.. didnt get a chance 2 ask her 2 cum visit me.. haiz... so sad.....
tts al 4 2dae i guez.. i reli hav no mood n watsoeva. so.. nitez...

2003-11-29T15:33:00.000+08:00

hmm dun dare 2 lk @ ma phone bill oreadi.. noe its gona b damn ex...
secretly usin e comp now cuz ddady not @ home.. hope they aint calin back or i wil b in deep shit...
hmmmm may b goin 2 xinyu's hse 2 overnite nex fri.. so hapi!!! its not confirm though..
hmm went 4 tution juz now.. hehe... funny sia... tok alota cok wit e cher. hmmm.. was doin e o lvl papers tooo... may sound naggy but those studyin sec 3 nex yr... u reli hafta concerntrate... cuz mor den 3/4 of e paper is sec 3 work... yea?=)
aiyo... y no one sms me... im lik rottin... haiyoyo....
haiz.. listenin 2 mimi dear blog songs... heart melt sia... tt one is ma fave song.. she has all ma fave song.. hehe..
update lata.. tata~

2003-11-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

i m bored.
cant wait 4 dec... cuz tts wen i gona go out gain... had it all planned...not totalli... but part of it? =)
4th dec.. i gona go out wit xinyu 2 orchard... its been a looong while since i hav go 2 orchard wit ma frenz... used 2 go las yr... cuz of ma dentist appointment... hehe... fun sia.. mayb visitin e dentist gain.. duno wen though..
den 6th dec.. we gona go 2 tt jap restaurant in pelangi!! haha. i looong tim neva eat liao lo... i lov e banana smoothie dere... so nice.=)
8th dec... go out wit shad... gona buy new bags n stuffs...i tink oso goin orchard... hehe cant help it.. i reli long tim neva go le...
den 10th dec.. german granny cumin... hehe.. wonder wat she brings dis tim.. keke..
hmmm... from 12th to 15th dec.. sumwhere between dere... gona go penang n mayb cameron highland 4 bout 7 to 10 days.. i tink i wil cum back abit fatter den b4.. hehe. cuz i lov e food in penang... awww~ den i noe i wil get maself tan.. hehe.. so gd...
25th dec we gona celebrate xmas!!! ladidadida~ wonder wat r ma gifts dis yr... i hope im allowed 2 deco e xmas tree gain.. hehe... hope daddy is cookin oxtail... i lov 2 eat tt... n onion soup... ahhh. heaven..
haha.. i guez i beta stop 4 now.. m lik crappin soo much...wil tok bout it wen e tim cums.. wana watch holland v liao.. 2dae final episode keke. tata~

2003-11-28T15:38:00.000+08:00

im sooo pathetic!!! *wails*..
u noe wat i eatin now?!! juz porridge n marmite... sooo pathetic.... @ leas giv me sum egg 2 eat wit rite? no nothin sia.. onli porridge... luckily i lik 2 eat marmite or else i wil b eatin plain old porridge... haiz..
haiyo... sick e whole day... so pitiful wor... wana slp but canot slp... wan eat but fel lik pukin juz by lkin @ e fd... wats worst was mama was very demandin... ppl was sick 4 fuck sake n she made me mop e floor... slp 4 a while.. onli 1/2 hr.. den she sae i damn lazy n stuff... so fucked up...
sista was bein nice yesterdae... she fed me porridge.. den rub my tummy... n al e nice stuffs...awww~
tok 2 mimi yesterdae... no mor fites liao... shes ma dear now.. =)hehe...
haiz.. duno wazzup wit e motha dese days.. such bad temper.. yellin @ me 4 nothin everyday... i bet she wil b yellin even mor wen she sees e phone bil? *shrugs*
hmm ade's blog is soo swet... though dere stil need 2 b beta done up. ade... u shld hav download e one 4 blogger.. not xanga.... =)
hmm ok den.. i wana watch tv.. bye bye~

2003-11-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

smsed e bf.. hes bz.. claim he wil sms me @ nite.. oh welz... do hope so...=)
lisa is in ma hse now... she came 2 take sum stuffs. @ e same tim playin wit heidi...=)
tokin 2 ade... its lik awwww~ she n her bf are soooo sweet..
ah dui... realise i reli hav nothin 2 sae dese days... wel try 2 tok mor k.
bye~

2003-11-24T14:15:00.000+08:00

ahhhhh~
ma study room lked soo clean... so proud of it... spent e whole nite cleanin things up.. but stil dun tink its gd enuf though...
hmm... babes called me las nite... n i was missin him den... haiz... had a short chat... cuz his card no mor $$.. den dis mornin i called him.. tok til 1/2way mama cum home... so i guez i onli can cal him lata =(... but hmm... @ leas dere was no quarrel.. hehe...
gona go city square lata on.. cant wait... mama sae she mite buy me sum new clothes 2 wear 4 ma bday... ladidadida~
oOo.. mums back.gtg.tata~

2003-11-23T16:11:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
wat a day
ma hse kinda got a leta from e duno wat 2 ask us 2 take down our balcony within 21days... *shrugs*... we shal c i guez...
watched edward scissorshand(?!) juz now.. very nice... watched it b4... but dun seemed 2 get tired of it... its sooo nice.... awww~
helped heidi 2 used e hairdryer 2 dry her tonsa hair juz now... shes sucha gd ger.. juz sit dere n let me finished e job w/o havin 2 shout @ her or nithin...
dun reli ha much 2 sae dae.. so im off..
tata~

2003-11-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

hehe.. daddy soo cute...he clalled me "madame" juz now... 1st tim he called me tt. n e way he pronounce was funny... hes lik "mah-dam.. dis is ur stuffs... here"... hehe.. felt soo grand... hehe
aiyo duno wat 2 sae la.. tts al i guez... tata~

2003-11-22T14:28:00.000+08:00

oh bother~
got woke up early in e mornin 2dae by my mum juz cuz she cun decided wat 2 wear while goin out wit ma daddy... she keep on goin in n goin out... askin me 2 choose 4 her... haiz...pity me =(
biw tt ma parents r not how.. i hafta babysit gain... heidi is bein a gd ger cuz she is juz lyin on ma bed.. slpin... but joann is bein a pest... tok 2 her properly she muz ans me in sucha rude manner...man... sumtimz i wonder y is e relationship btw ma sis is sooo different from other ppl.. shad n his sis.. xinyu n xinchi... ya they do fite.. but they get along reli wel.... not lik me n ma sis... findin faults n quarrelin al day long... we cant even tok 2 each other w/o quarrelin in e end... haiz.. *shrugs*
went 4 modern dance yesterdae... been a loong tim since i hav gone 2 it...luckily i manage 2 catch up almos al e steps... hope i wil get beta den..
hmmph.. waitin 4 alina 2 email me ma thingy... hehe.. tok bout her.. shes sooo fun 2 b wit... its lik i can tok 2 her non-stop n stuffs... shes sucha nice ger.. aww~
hmm gona sms ma babes lata on.. or else lata he not hapi..hehe. love him so...
b back lata.. tata~

2003-11-18T11:04:00.001+08:00

1 guy n 2 fat ladies dancin their life away~
m in a very terrible mood 2dae... though i reli duno y...
i feel so irritated n stuffs. nothin seems 2 b wat i wana
las min skipped chi cuz i in pain... but no use.. shad decided 2 go 4 mcc... so i end up spendin tim wit weeying...hafta wait til 1130. wateva~
was lkin at ma email juz now... den came across a hotmail bout sum commercial... but e storyline is very sad ah.. e dog was takin sum bones 4 his gf onli 2 c e gf fuckin wit another dog... e dog was so sad he dropped e bone n ran away... it wanted 2 die... but neva in e end lo.. e eyes.. it was sooo sorrowful... ma heart cld break juz by lkin @ e eyes...
haiz... cld relate 2 how betrayed e dog feel... though no exact thingy eva happened.. similar thingy had... n i juz cant 4get it no mata how much i wana... i tried 2... but i juz cant.. it sux..
fuck me
dun care bout me bday no mor.
fuck e bday.
fuck u~

2003-11-18T11:04:00.000+08:00

2003-11-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

17 days to a|eneybaby's bday
2dae is ma grandpa bday... went 2 e restaurant @ ma family club 2 eat juz now.... hmmm... quite nice ah... mayb cuz i haven been 2 tt place 4 a loong tim=)
niwae... went 2 c a chi doc 2dae.... damn gd sia.. juz checkin ma pulse(?!) n he noes wats wrong wit me... no fried food... no spicy food.. n no cold stuffs... man.. life seems so borin now... sumor gav me e bitter med.. n ma sis hafta pour sooo much water in2 it... man.. im sufferin....
ah... it is juz so damn bitter.... hafta eat dis 4 5 days sia.... den go c him gain.... haiz....
tml meetin ma bf... gona giv him e cakes... hehe... i dare not c his reaction... hehe...
gtg den
tata~

2003-11-16T16:47:00.000+08:00

punk is about attitude. not style.
so 2 whom it may concern.stop tryin 2 b sumtin u r not. u wil neva b lik those black ppl in america... they r born wit it... we r not... no mata how much knowledge we know.... no mata how we dress lik one.. no mata how we tok lik one...we wil neva b lik em.. so hey.. wake up yea.. dun try 2 argue wit me... its e truth... one day u wil lk back n realise how stupid u were den...
so yea...

2003-11-16T16:21:00.000+08:00

18 days 2 a|eneybaby's bday
man... gues i hav been countin wrongly... so stupid of me...
did sum smsin wit ma babes in e mornin... haiz.. his card no $$ le.. hafta wait til tues den can tok gain.. borin sia..... haiz... got ma abit fed up... duno y..
tink i wil go n hav a lil tok wit rekha on tues... dun ask me y...
had piano lessons juz now.. 2hrs sia.... ah dui... spent 1/2 e tim tokin wit cher...
daddy made fun of heidi juz now.. usin e laser... hehe... she tried to bite e light. hehe so cute...
im damn bored ah.. deres nothin i can do.....
juz missin ma babes...
luckily he told me he is missin me too..
hope its da truth.. keke
sayo~

2003-11-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

hmm.i rel m bored now....
cum 2 tink bout it... things ard me seems 2 juz happen so fas.... 21 days 2 ma bday.. suddenly it seems so near... where a few wks ago.. i m stil countin mths...man...
i wonder way bday treat i wil get dis yr... hope it wil b lik las yr... @ e jap restaurant... cost bout 300 ringgit... ma parent bday they oso neva celebrate til so ex... wahaha.... hope i can go 2 tt restaurant gain...
den few days after.. daddy gave me $150 bucks 2 spent in spore.... so hapi... hope it wil increase gain dis yr.. keke
2days after ma bday wil b me n shad's 11th anniversary...
granny is cumin e nex day after me n shad 11 mth ...haiz... sis gona share room wit me.. n she gona start e backstabbin thingy... duno wat 2 buy 4 her 4 x'mas oso... n her 70th bday... or izit 80th? *shrugs*
den 2 days after she cum.. we wil b goin on hol 4 bout 1wk or 2... hope i can go penang... i wana eat n shop....
after which.. x'mas has cum... wonder wat ma prezies wil b dis yr. hehe...
den sch re-opens.. haiz... i do dread e day... w/o bein able 2 lk @ shad weneva i wana.... *sighz*
den... it wil b our 1 yr anniversary... hmm... m startin 2 prepare e prezie 4 it.. hope he wil take tt seriously too.... *smilez*
den hafta start preparin 4 o's.... in fact i shld hav oreadi start now rite... man.. y m i tinkin sooooo far... wen ma bday haven even cum.. ha.... haiz... guez i reli reli m bored now... maan....

2003-11-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

ladidadida~
sooo happy 2dae.. *big cheesy smilez*
i succeeded in makin e banana muffins.... but mama says it was abit too soft... hmmm.... gona bake another cake tml... was tinkin of doin e x'mas biscuits.... but hafta go buy e ingredients 1st i guez...
hmmm... i m so proud of shad... mimi wil noe wat y. n i wana thank her....=) he definitely had changed.... i gotta say... *smilez*
hmmm waitin 4 xinyu 2 go online... sooooo loooong..... gona rot... juz lik yesterdae.. i rot while waitin 4 shad.... haiz... no wonder i stink... keke... nothin much 2 sae... sayo~

2003-11-14T21:23:00.000+08:00

*sobs*
not in e greatest mood now... but i wil not sae y.... no pnt niwae...
skipped chi lesson 2dae cuz i didnt do e hmwk n i knew she was gona made me stay back... i hafta b back in sch nex wk niwae.. so wats e pnt...
went 2 watch e movie wishin stairs 2dae... wasnt as great or scary as i tot it wld hav been... in fact it was abit borin too... but @ e same tim.. a lil gross but very depressin....its sumhow bout jealousy... but i stil find it nice though... u shld c how one of e gers dance.. very nice...
den i n xinyu went 2 city square... bought wat i wana... changed sum money... n i hafta comment tt e ger hu changed had major atti pro sia... damn fed up wit her..... niwae... bout a new earrin... lik it very much cuz its very colourful=)... n bought 2 rings each wit xinyu... sumtin 2 do wit our frenship... ma fave colour too=) luminous orange n pink =)...
took e nite bus home... family seems 2 b in a gd mood 2dae... gd lo...
i m damn tired so i m off...
p.s... gona bake banana muffins tml.. hope i succeed.. =).. nitey...~

2003-11-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

hehehe
i woke up late 2dae.. n as usual... i was late 4 lessons gain *cheesey smile*
hmm luckily i did all ma chi hmwk... derefore i didnt reli hafta stay back 4 chi 2dae...
went 2 meet shad... he went 2 buy sum blades... den we went 2 yishun... e place tt he jammed 2 repair sum stuffs... on e way... mama called.. scolded me bout e phone bills n stuffs.. drop one tear... n i wasnt as activ afterwards...
but luckily shad understan me =)... didnt made life difficult 4 me.... he treated me nicely den wen i was slpin on his lap -i was so damn tired ah-.. he played ard wit ma hair........ clip ma hair neatly n massaged me... so nice =)
den wen we reached cwp.. we went about window shoppin... lked @ e guitars.. dere was one reli nice one.... den went bout searchin 4 e cd he wanted but 2 no avail... den went 2 kiddy palace 2 lk 4 e kelly doll tt i wana... found it... it was lik e onli one... but its hair wasnt nice nimor... so i didnt buy...but i reli lik tt doll though... dere was one wit freckles... very cute... but cun find it dere.... gona go toy 'r us (?!) 2 find i guez... den we went 2 watson 2 buy sum cream 4 ma face... n tts al i guez...
i juz lov shad so much... been lkin @ e claz pic gain n gain n gain.. it seems lik i wil neva get sick of em.... esp shad... he lk soooo handsome -@ leas 2 me, he reli is-.. hes reli nice.. not juz 2 me.. but 2 ma homies n ma sis.... even though he prefers 2 b wit me alone.. -n vice versa.. hehe- but sumtimz wen i wana ma fren 2 tag along.. he didnt complain or show atti pro... instead he juz b wit us n made us laugh... or lik yesterdae... he kept on volunteerin 2 help ma sis 2 carry her big orange bag... though ma sis didnt wana.. but it was reli nice of him 2 ask her tt...hes sooo carin esp wen he wans 2.... n i juz appreciate every moment of it...
every relationship has its own ups n downs i guez... n one wil neva noe wat wil hapen nex... derefore i had alwaz treaure every single moment i hav wit shad... cuz dere wil neva b another moment lik dis... its alwaz different even if we do e same routine... so yea=)
niwaez.. juz now ma fav uncle came... sooo happy.... hes e younest uncle in ma family.. n he dotes me most =p...hes wife is pregnant... n e baby is due in 3 mths time... soo happy 4 him....
tts al 4 2dae den
tata~

2003-11-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

2dae was one of e days where i didnt quarrel wit e bf... e day juz wen perfectly... =D...
spent e mornin wit xinchi... tok, gossip n do chi hmwk=)... den she went 4 her maths tes n i wen 4 ma chi test...
after chi was maths... cramps started.. so i was 1/2 slpin durin e lesson... after which.. shad took his report bk... e results were orite noe... it was almos e same as me!! juz tt he failed his english...!!! e damn fuckin english!!! sianz sia...
oh den went 2 his hse cuz his sis asked him 2 put her stuffs dere... n we went 2 meet xinyu n xinchi.... bought sum sushi 4 everyone n went 2 fetch ma sis...
we sat under e block 2 eat e sushi.. ma sis choose e place.... hmm i got a feelin tt she mite b mor rebellious den me in e near future... hehe... it was difficult 4 me n shad cuz we cun stick 2 each other.. canot share stuffs... -u gota noe ma sis is quite conservativ... we r e total oppo of each other.. wit onli few similarities.. keke-
den we went 2 take mrt.. shad comments tt her eye colour was beautiful *grumbles*..he alwaz saes tt wen he sees ma sis... im jealous...hahahahha.....
den reached custom n we parted... no gdbye kiss cuz sis was ard.. *sobs*.. keke...
den wen wit sis 2 city square... quarreled 1/way through cuz she was walkin so damn fas.... den while waitin 4 mama.. we went city square 2 window shop.. from ma sis expressions i noe wat 2 buy her 4 xmas prezzie =). so yea. e day was a "ladidadida"... tata~

2003-11-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

btw.. mimi.. can u help me delete all e tags tt were tagged by guyz...oh n heard u went 2 3/7.... gd 4 u =)... muz cont study hard yea... n do remember our lil promise bout ma bf k?=)

p.s... was it u tt was wavin 2 us in e noon? if it was u... i was sori... i cun made out hu was wavin @ me.. tts y i ignore..

2003-11-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

bla.
everythin seems 2 b against me 2dae.
im off tata~

2003-11-10T22:11:00.000+08:00

our past was great
he was everything I'd ever asked for and dreamed about
but so many things have happened in our relationship that caused hard feelings and fights
and it seems like ever since then things haven't been the same
He changed. And I changed too. But we didn't change together.
We're not the same people anymore
We're almost like strangers again in some ways
It's pretty hard to explain

2003-11-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

*sobs*
of ma 14 -gona b 15- yrs of life... no one xcept ma parents had slap me... but... shad slapped me 2dae... he meant it 2 b a joke n juz 4 fun... but i do wonder how 2 take dis kinda joke wen he was soo moody n so serious den.... n e slap was hard tooo.... very very upset wit it.. n 2 tink til now he didnt apologise... he onli sae he didnt mean it n asked me 2 slap him.. but i dun wan... i juz wan him 2 apologise... cant he do juz tt? haiz... its very hurtin...
cuz of dis... no mata how great e day was suppose 2 b.... it seemed so different now....
lesson was e usual 2dae... e onli special thingy was tt nina dear cut her hair.. she lk soooo cute in it =)
after which he waited 4 me... n he was very moody juz cuz he was tired.... wel.. den does anyone noes tt i m even mor tired? I m gona collapse any moment yet i shutup.
I duno ah... den in e bus... tok tok tok... til 1/2way wen i didnt sae nithin... he slapped me... n pretended nothin happened... boy was i shock..... n yet he made it seems lik it was all ma fault....
e res i hav nothin much 2 say....
i dun hav nithin much 2 say in e 1st place....juz tt i m reli hurtin.. though we r lik in ok terms now.... but it stil hurts...in fact i m hurtin so much dese days.... tried 2 made dis depressin feelin 2 go away... yet it seems 2 cling by me n dun wana let go.. it hurts it hurts it hurts.... but no one wil noe how i feels...
i juz wana say thank u 2 e ppl tt comforted me juz now... esp cheening.... thanx..... n 4 once i m proud 2 say... i didnt cut maself... i juz cried.... though i m stil hurtin... i guez tts e way life is.. rite ... tata~

2003-11-09T21:58:00.000+08:00

*sobs*
1 whole day plus e previous nite... no sms... *sobs*... haiz dis feelin sux.... i hate missin sum1... @ leas if e person is missin me... it seems beta... but... it seems so lonely... 2 b missin sum1 w/o knowin if e person miss u or is stil deeply in lov wit u...
dese past few days hav been a disaster... n it sux. it sux n it hurts... dun u lov me no mor?
~~bangz... if buy savin up ur money 4 ma bday means tt u wil avoid me til its ma bday... i rather recieve nothin @ al n hav u acmpy n tok 2 me everyday...~~
haiz... every moment is special.. cuz u wil neva noe wen e other person wil b dyin n watsoeva... dun no one blif in lov no mor? *sighz*
hav classes tml.. n i dread goin 2 it... im alone in chi lesson... in maths... i wil c shadz... den e nex moment i noe.. i wil b stumblin in2 e moment of "he is so near yet seems so far n hard 2 reach".... *sighz*
it sux.it sux.it sux.it sux.
sucky sucky sucky sucks.

2003-11-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

its rainin now. ma weather. lotsa memoirs wit shad...
i wonder if he is tinkin of me n missin me lots lik i m now... haiz...
even though im abit angry wit him... i stil lov him lots... i juz duno y hes doin dis 2 me gain... yesterdae was oreadi so upsettin.. cant it b a lil bit beta 2dae? i reli fel tt it wun hurt by juz sendin one sms? @ leas i can b assured tt u noe i stil exist....
man.... it sux...
miss him stil.

2003-11-09T15:33:00.000+08:00

ok erm kinda change e blogskin.. no mor e depressin yet sadist feelin... but hmm.. a mor plain but retro style?wil try 2 make it beta though i kinda miss e old one oreadi.. =)
do giv sum comments yea?

2003-11-09T13:19:00.000+08:00

hmmm.duno y but i m beginnin 2 lov n treasure ma family mor dese days...even though i often quarreled wit em.. i realize i lov em all... n i m alwaz thankful tt ma family neva gav up on me b4... lik yesterdae... wen ma mum keep on naggin n i shouted @ her 2 keep quiet n juz leave me alone... yea she did.. but she didnt scold me.. she didnt reprimand me... instead wen she came 2 fetch me home in e evenin... she even bought fried chicken 4 me cuz she noe i m dyin 4 sum dese few days... she even bought along 100plus 4 me in case i m thirsty...
or e other tim wen i didnt wana go 2 sch cuz i was so upset bout e mockin thingy... mum saw me cryin... n she allowed me not 2 go 2 sch... she sumor can bring me out 2 eat dimsum den go shoppin... n whie drivin she keep on tellin me how much she lov me mor n stuffs...
or mayb juz now.. wen mummy was tokin bout e pimples on ma face n stuff... wen i ran outa words 2 defend maself.. daddy helped me... hehe... he alwaz helped me wen i run outa words 2 sae... n wen we r votin bout wat movie 2 watch.. mummy n sis hav e same vote n im alone... daddy vote wit me too.. n we end up watchin e movie i wana watch =)
or e other tim wen ma pain was actin up gain n i was cryin in pain... ma sis took ma medicine up... made e drink n rub ma tummy...or wen i scald maself while cookin, she wil kiss ma scalded hand n quickly take sum med 4 me..
its e lil things tt made me fel so touch... n i lov em all.. even heidi... wen she noes tt i m upset she wil stick by me 24/7... its all soo sweet... haiz... i lov em all....even though wen there r times i reli m so angry wit em... but yea.. i stil lov em=)
i m waitin 4 shads msg... from las nite til now... yet it neva seem 2 came.. it sux so much... does even a single msg hurts? i oreadi gav in noe... y cant he juz stop playin hard 2 get.... haiz... its so hurtin. hes lucky tt no such tings wil happen 2 him... @ leas while wit me.. cuz i wil neva do tt... ah wateva... ~